5-2 “Brave New World” (part 2 of 2)

When we last spent time with Mrs. Garrett and the girls, Mrs. G had just decided to open up Edna’s Edibles in the Peekskill building that her son bought for her. Jo was stowing away in Blair’s single in the Langley College dorms; and Natalie and Tootie were grumpy that Mrs. Garrett decided to leave Eastland.

In Blair’s room in the early morning, Jo is a dick as she returns from the bathroom and carelessly tosses her toothbrush onto the table at which Blair removes the curlers from her hair. They tiptoe around each other until Blair finally loses it. She’s in the right here; it’s her room. We all feel for Jo, who can’t find another place until she gets a job, but she ought to be more gracious about the fact that she is imposing. Especially since all her shirts seem to be hung on the back of the door. I know those ain’t Blair’s flannels.

Oh God, it gets worse. Blair asks Jo to please not come back until after midnight that night because she has a study date. Jo informs Blair that they’ll have to study around her, as she is on the floor with head on the pillow at 11:00 sharp. It’s shitty of her to act this entitled. This is really not Jo’s best look.

A knock on the door causes Blair and Jo both to panic as the punctilious dorm mother person calls for Blair. Jo hides in the closet while dorm mother comes into the room and tells Blair that she’s broken a very important rule. Blair starts to stammer excuses, but cuts herself off when she learns that PSYCH! she is just being called out for leaving her panty hose hanging in the bathroom to dry. I can’t believe how horrible Jo is when she bursts out of Blair’s closet complaining about all the chiffon. That stuff isn’t my jam either, but you can wear whatever the ass you want to wear when I’m sleeping on your floor for free. The bickering is over quickly as Jo hustles out the window to begin her morning.

Meanwhile, in Mrs. Garrett’s room, Natalie whines while Tootie defends Mrs. Garrett’s decision and Mrs. G works on her resignation letter. When Natalie leaves, Tootie learns that Mrs. Garrett is struggling to write the resignation letter because she can’t find the words. Tootie suggests the elegant, “Dear Mr. Parker. Kiss off.” Mrs. Garrett clutches her pearls. Tootie insists that he deserves it after the way he’s treated her. I agree.

On cue, Mr. Parker bursts into Mrs. Garrett’s bedroom with demands for a luncheon the following week. That’s really not cool considering it’s early in the morning and she’s still in her bathrobe. He pooh-poohs her request to get dressed and then then criticizes her for leaving the menu for the last party until the last minute, which makes me punchy. Mrs. Garrett continues to take it better than she should, and Mr Parker keeps piling on, until finally Mrs. Garrett gives her resignation speech:

“I…you…and another thing…and you can just KISS OFF!”

She looks shocked at herself, and then triumphant.

That night at the dorm, Blair flirts shamelessly with the 80s hunk (whose name is Guy) when Jo sneaks in the window. Jo kicks Guy out and the girls bicker until our stern house mother makes another appearance. Jo doesn’t make it into the closet this time.

Jo pleads her case, but our house mother is loyal to rules. She’s going to report them, and they could be expelled.

At Edna’s Edibles, Mrs. Garrett cleans up as Tootie and Natalie arrive to help, still despondent that Mrs. G plans to leave Eastland. Natalie accuses her of running off “nilly-willy,” and then immediately turns her back to the camera, and I imagine a blooper reel where she just can’t get it right and finally they got a take where at least no one cracked up.

Tootie whimpers that no one will replace Mrs. Garrett, and she means it literally: there will be no new school dietitian. Instead, an institutional food service outfit will provide their meals. Also, Tootie and Natalie have been split up – they’re in separate dorms which are apparently very far apart (how big can the campus be? Their cafeteria only holds about two dozen people). Natalie has to room with Georgette, which no one else has ever had to do; and Tootie has been paired with Valerie Johnson, who eats paper. The mean girl look is not good on Nat. Her piling on Valerie Johnson is a part that’s often cut from the syndicated version of this episode, and it’s the rare case where a cut improves the episode.

Mr. Parker stops by for a visit with the stated purpose of talking Mrs. G out of leaving Eastland, and Tootie and Natalie quickly join in to the guilt trip. Mrs. G is a champ as she explains that her mind is made up, but she’ll still do the catering for his events. For a price. He balks, but just for a second. Mollified by the knowledge that he can still find her and get access to her strudel, Mr. Parker gives up the hard sell and gives Mrs. G his best wishes. Natalie and Tootie are indignant.

Mr. Parker leave as Blair and Jo arrive. Jo sulks, saying that she’s going to leave Peekskill and go back to the Bronx where she can be poor in peace. Blair catches everyone up on the dorm caper, and catches us up on the fact that the dean was sympathetic to Jo’s plight and put her on probation instead of expelling her.

Jo: “Can you believe it? I’m broke, I’ve got no place to live, I can’t find a job, I’m on probation. What do I need college form I can get all that in my old neighborhood.”

Mrs. G: “Jo, hold onto your horses. Now, you need a part time job and a place to live, right? Well I happen to know someone who has an apartment with an extra room…right upstairs. And it’s yours.”
Jo: “Now you hold your horses, Mrs. G. I’m not spongin’ off you.”
Mrs. G: “I’ll say. You’ll be spongin’ off the counters and the floors, and the windows! It’s going to take lot more elbow grease than I’ve got to whip this place into shape.”

With encouragement from Blair, Natalie, and Tootie, Jo concludes that this is a pretty good deal. Mrs. Garrett promises to work her ’til she drops, and another brick falls into place in this foundation for the second half of the series.

Natalie and Tootie soon get on board, beating around the bush to get Mrs. Garrett to invite them to move in as well. Mrs. Garrett enthuses that it would be wonderful to have them there, and they hatch a plan to get Mr. Parker and their parents to agree to get them to live off campus.

All that’s left is Blair.

Mrs. Garrett tells Blair that the room is big enough for four, and Natalie and Tootie encourage her to accept while Jo seethes until finally relenting that it wouldn’t be so bad.

Blair tells them how wonderful they all are, and then says no.

Blair is planning to rush the Gamma Gamma sorority and move into their house. And like excellent friends, all of them say they’ll miss her but they’re happy she’s going to get what she wants. Jo points out that she doesn’t have to live with them to help clean and tosses her a broom.

And a whole new era of Facts is born.