5-1 “Brave New World” (part 1 of 2)
As season four wrapped up, Jo and Blair had graduated and were headed off to Langley College down the road, and Miko and Alex had come to Eastland. The future of the girls’ friendship was uncertain. The future of the show was even more uncertain, because at that point it still had not been decided whether the center of the show would be Eastland, and thus Alex and Miko would take over for Jo and Blair; or the four girls, in which the situs of the show would likely have to change. Freshmen in college hanging out at their old high school all the time isn’t really a good look.
We know what’s going to happen, but in the lobby of the dorm at Langley in which Blair resides, she sits blissfully oblivious, playing poker with one other girl and four guys. She’s flighty and flirty and generally horrible until Jo barges in and pulls her away from her table. Literally. Jo was never afraid to get physical.
Jo pulls Blair into her room and tells her she’s in a lot of trouble – her job fell through and that wipes out her dorm budget. Blair suggests that she trot down to the financial aid office to ask for more money, which is very sound advice. Jo says she tried, but there’s only money left for “hardship cases,” which is a term no financial aid office would have ever used. Higher ed professionals refer to the poorest of the poor as “Pell-eligible” (referring to the Pell grant), and Jo is most certainly Pell-eligible.
Blair agrees with me that kids like Jo are exactly who that money is for, but Jo refuses to acknowledge that her parents are “impoverished.”
Now, having gone to college and grad school myself and having worked as a higher education professional, I want to drag Jo’s ass to the financial aid office myself. But once having been a college freshman, I so understand how she feels. I remember when I was applying for colleges and they asked for parental education level. I was so embarrassed to admit that neither of my parents had been to college, and I even resisted financial aid at first based on my father’s philosophy of “We don’t need no handouts.” Fortunately I came to my senses in time and I was very fortunate to have an absolutely excellent four-year college experience with minimal debt.
But Jo won’t be impoverished, won’t take a “handout,” and sure as shit won’t take any help from Blair. Well, any monetary help, as we shall soon see.
Blair, carefree with the wings of privilege, pooh-poohs Jo’s predicament and promises that she’ll help her find a way out of it. She reminds Jo that the rest of the cast is on their way and they don’t want them to know that anything is wrong. Jo, miraculously, does not punch Blair.
At Eastland, Tootie and Natalie come downstairs to find Mrs. Garrett talking out loud to someone named Raymond. The girls question Mrs. Garrett’s sanity until she explains that she’s taping a letter to her son Raymond, who is too busy to read letters. Is it possible that this could be relevant later?
Just as the girls and Mrs. G try to hustle out the door to head up to Langley, Mr. Parker, the headmaster (played by Roger Perry, may he rest in peace), bursts in the back door. Thank goodness he did; apparently they forgot to lock it before they bailed.
Mr. Parker has arrived to inform Mrs. Garrett that the brunch he has already hired her to cater in two days has been changed to an 8 p.m. Middle-Eastern dinner. Not a lot of overlap, there.
After Mr. Parker patronizes Mrs. Garrett’s reasonable protestations, he breezes out the way he came in. Mrs. Garrett lets out an “I don’t condone murder but if I were to murder someone it would be him right now” scream before gathering her wits, returning to her sunny self, and informing the girls that she’ll have to skip the trip to Langley.
Natalie and Tootie arrive in the dorm lounge, where Natalie tries “not to look young” and Tootie tries to photograph everything. The show dates itself when a hunky college guy asks them for a cigarette, and Tootie plays cool by saying, “No, I’m trying to cut down.”
Their coolness can’t survive a generically hot 80s man in a towel.
While Natalie tears the room apart trying to find the dreamboat’s lost book so she can return it to his room (I love you, Natalie), Tootie exclaims:
“College is just what I thought it would be! Coffee, cigarettes, and sex!”
Aside: I highly recommend the film Coffee and Cigarettes. I shouldn’t need to say more than Tom Waits and Iggy Pop having a chat.
Blair and Jo arrive in the lounge. Following hugs, Tootie explains why Mrs. Garrett isn’t with them while Natalie drills for more information about co-ed dorm sex. Blair insists that it’s not just fun and games. Her example is that she has to get up at 5 a.m. for her 9 a.m. class so she can do her hair and makeup before entering the hall to brush her teeth. That’s too much work for me.
Back at Eastland, Mrs. Garrett whips hummus while griping about the last-minute change on another audio letter to her son. Mr. Parker bursts in and tells her to “stop the garlic presses” which is actually pretty damn funny. Now he wants to change the menu to a Chinese feast.
When he calls her “temperamental,” she protests that he wouldn’t treat a professional caterer this way, to which he responds:
“That’s true. But you’re not a professional caterer.”
Luckily, the recorder was running. Mrs. G keeps emoting to her son via the tape recorder, finally wishing that she could be her own boss before hurrying off to look up some Chinese recipes online get some cookbooks out of the library.
It’s late at night when Blair awakes upon hearing her door open. Jo announces that she has officially moved out of her dorm. Blair: “Where are you going to live?”
Jo:
She plans to sneak in through the window every night after curfew and sneak out every morning before breakfast. Heh. Curfew in college. I Googled “curfew college” and only came up with discussion about whether college students living at home ought to have curfews. Minutes of half-assed research suggests that only military-affiliated postsecondary institutions and very religious postsecondary institutions have a curfew rule.
Blair frets that there’s not enough room and it’s so very against the rules. Jo agrees that it’s dangerous, and that’s why they both – now that they’re roommates again – have to be very careful.
In the Eastland kitchen, Tootie explains each of her photographs from the Langley trip in excruciating detail, while Natalie protests that the trip was much more interesting than Tootie’s endless pictures of the lions in front of the library would indicate. She also says – so quickly that you could miss it – that wretched phrase, “You had to be there.” Natalie doesn’t mean it in the snarky exclusionary way that troubles me so much, though, so we will give her a pass. I am a Natalie apologist.
Natalie’s interest in the photos is rekindled when she finds out that Tootie got a picture of the guy in the towel. Small talk continues as some creeper hovers by the back door.
It’s not a VSE about an intruder, that’s just Mrs. G’s son Raymond (of the audio letters). Everyone delights in his arrival, and he explains that he wants to take his mom to lunch to celebrate the completion of a new deal he’s made. Tootie and Natalie invite them to join their trip to meet Jo and Blair at “Burgers on a Stick: Home of the Secret Meat” (ew). Raymond demurs; he plans to take Mrs. G to a hot new place in downtown Peekskill. He invites the girls to join them for dessert, insisting that their apple strudel is the best ever, perhaps rivaling his mother’s.
Mrs. G does not believe she’s interested in anything they have to eat there, until Raymond informs her…surprise…wait for it…the whole store, and everything in it, is hers! Raymond explains that he envisions her opening a gourmet food shop, bakery, and deli, and then to make it the base of operations for her catering business. Mrs. G is at first confused, then intrigued, but protests that she can’t run a shop and work at Eastland. Duh, Raymond says, you quit Eastland.
“But I like my job! And I can’t leave MY GIRLS!”
She has a pension and insurance and every summer off, she continues to justify, until Raymond plays her own words back at her. She would love to be her own boss and no longer be at the mercy of others. Mrs. Garrett’s wheels start to turn.
Just then, the girls arrive, and humor their way through the surprise. Blair and Jo introduce themselves to Raymond and bicker about Jo’s sore back from Blair’s floor and Blair’s sore foot from tripping over Jo’s shit. Raymond encourages Mrs. G to share the good news. She begins to tell the story her way before Raymond steps on her to inform the girls that she’s opening up a shop. All the girls are delighted and an opening credit shot is born.
Tootie and Natalie quickly lose their enthusiasm when they learn that leaving Eastland is part of the deal. Mrs. Garrett frets.
Jo asks Raymond who owns the spot, and the following, which proved crucial to my development, ensues:
Raymond: “I do, uh, I will. You see, I have some business property I want to sell. Uh…this is kind of complicated.”
Blair: “Oh, I know exactly what you’re doing! He’s setting up a three-cornered exchange. The man who wants to buy Raymond’s building will buy this one instead, and then they’ll swap. That way nobody has to pay capital gains taxes.”
Mrs. G: “Is that legal?”
Blair: “My father does it all the time.”
Jo: “Yeah, but is it legal?”
Not an unfair question. We recently learned that her dad is not averse to signing a questionable tax return. Raymond assures them all that it’s perfectly legal. I thought I understood it, but when my husband did a deal that sounded exactly like this, he didn’t seem impressed when I said, “Oh, a three-cornered exchange!”
Mrs. G sticks another toe in the pool as she asks what the financial arrangement will be, and Raymond offers “rent at a fair but competitive rate.” Natalie continues to try to dissuade her by focusing on the risk of opening a business. Tootie piles on with a bunch of bad euphemisms for “at your age.” Mrs. Garrett finds herself responding to each of their concerns, until she finally realizes that she’s made her choice. She’s going to leave Eastland and go into business for herself!
You go, Mrs. G. Break that new frontier. What an inspiration you are.
So that’s one situation resolved. But: Will Mrs. G be able to build a business? Will Natalie and Tootie be able to live separately at Eastland? And what about Jo?
For the answer to these and many other questions (are you going to finish this recap), tune in to our next recap: Brave New World, Part II
