3-5 “Front Page”

Folks, this is among my favorite episodes of Facts. It’s one that I remembered but didn’t catch on TV in syndication for a long time. Either I kept missing it or the stations that were showing it at the time didn’t show it because it mentions cocaine. They kept “Dope” off the air for a long time, after all.

But I remembered this episode because, like Jo, I had some teachers in high school who graded me more harshly than my peers because I had shown a talent for writing. I get it, but it also sucks. In my case, I didn’t deserve the C my senior year English teacher gave me on a paper, and when I challenged him about it, he said that he just wanted to keep me on my toes since I got in early to all the colleges I’d applied to. That was bullshit and I went to the head of the department and got the paper upgraded to the A that it deserved. I told the teacher to let me know when my work started sucking, and not to penalize me until then.

In Jo’s case here, I can see now, from an educator’s perspective, how Mr. Gideon thought he was just challenging a good student. But you know what? He was a total dick about it. If he’d been a better educator, he wouldn’t be in this mess.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, allow me to introduce you to our key players in this episode.

Jo Polniaczek, Junior at Eastland School for girls. Angry, competitive, has to finish the story she’s writing before journalism class even though all that’s due today is the topic. Wants to impress journalism teacher, who she believes is out to get her.

Bob Gideon, journalism teacher at Eastland School for girls. Was a reporter and correspondent. Has leather patches on elbows. Gave students editorial control of the school paper. Generally admired and respected.

Natalie Green, editor of the school paper. Talented enough to be editor of the paper as a freshman, and therefore making these editorial decisions at the age of about fourteen.

Roy, bakery delivery boy. Desperately in love with Jo, goofy, clueless.

In journalism class, Blair volunteers to share her topic. She swells with pride as she presents her idea of writing an in-depth defense of Nancy Reagan’s purchase of new White House china. The class chuckles. Mr. Gideon praises her and tells everyone that he thinks it’s a point of view that’s worth exploring.

Natalie encourages Jo to volunteer, and Gideon selects her. She explains that she has not just the topic, but the whole story, and Gideon invites her to read it. “The Eastland School’s board of directors voted 8-3 last week to approve funds to redecorate the faculty lounge. The funds were…”

Gideon: “Hold it, Jo. Where’d you get that?”
Jo: “I have my sources.”
Gideon: “I see. Did your sources tell you that the teachers themselves met yesterday? We decided that the funds would be better used elsewhere.”

On the one hand, while Jo was sloppy and this is an important learning moment for the whole class, he doesn’t have to berate her and put her on the spot in front of the whole class. And he could have worked with her to come up with a way to reword and update the story instead of just barking, “Find another story.” Then Jo wouldn’t have felt like this:

Jo’s mood continues into the cafeteria, where she knocks dishes around like they’re Gideon’s head. She mutters about the “Ivy League sewer rat” while Natalie defends him, saying she’s overreacting to his indifference to her story. Blair helpfully points out that it’s not the story, it’s the public humiliation. Mrs. Garrett encourages Jo to go to him and talk it out, or, failing that, just write a new story and let it do the talking for her.

Enter Roy. He’s the last thing Jo wants to deal with right now, but we’re still in the age where we were all complicit, and instead of protecting their sister, Blair and Natalie are amused by Roy’s unwanted attention toward Jo.

Roy tells Jo that he has some information that might interest her, and Jo says that a half-price sale on Yamahas wouldn’t interest her right now.

Roy: “It’s about Mr. Gideon.”
Jo: “…”

Roy suggests they discuss it over pizza, but Jo’s not into that. After she threatens physical violence, Roy blurts that Mr. Gideon was caught in a raid of a coke party (“and [he doesn’t] mean the kind of coke that things go better with”). No one believes him, but he explains that it happened last night, and Roy learned about it from his cop brother. Robert Michael Gideon, thirty-three years old, teacher at Eastland was among those seen in the police station.

The girls are shocked. Jo tells Roy to keep the information to himself as she hustles him out over his repeated requests for a date. Blair tells Jo it was noble of her to protect Mr. Gideon by telling Roy not to spread the story.

Right. Jo doesn’t want the Peekskill papers to get their hands on a story like that because she wants to break the story in their high school paper. Gideon told her to get a new story, and now she’s got the most sensational story of all.

We return from commercial to find Jo thanking a sergeant on the telephone. She has confirmed Roy’s account, and over Blair and Natalie’s objections she begins writing her story, headlined: “Teacher Busted in Cocaine Raid.”

Jo pecks out a few lines and asks Natalie for feedback on what she’s written so far. Natalie, who is somehow editor of the school paper as a freshman, is hesitant to run the story. She suggests running the story some other month. Or some other year. Blair tells Natalie she shouldn’t print the story, while Jo makes terrible First Amendment arguments why she must, appealing to All the President’s Men as her authority. Blair and Jo ping-pong poor Natalie back and forth until Natalie declares that she now knows why Lou Grant is bald. The studio audience laughs.

Fade to Natalie approaching Mrs. Garrett in the lounge. She tells Mrs. Garrett that she needs some help with an editorial decision, and Mr. Gideon is not a person she can talk to in this case. She has a hot story, and she’ll be hurting someone she respects if she prints it, but compromising her journalistic principles if she doesn’t.

Mrs. Garrett begins to tell a story about when she worked on her school paper, and Natalie is delighted to have the first-hand experience.

Mrs. Garrett: “I was covering the annual class bake-off, and my best friend Sarah Schrang had made this beautiful 13-inch apple pie! Or so I thought. Just before the judging, I learned that Sarah had bought the pie from Olson’s bakery in town! I didn’t know what to do! If I didn’t run the story, I’d be deceiving my readers! And if I did, I would ruin my friendship with Sarah. Well, I’m proud to say that after further investigation, I learned that Sarah had baked it herself, and that only the pie plate had come from Olson’s!”

Natalie: “That’s it?”
Mrs. G: “Well isn’t there anything in there you can use?”
Natalie: “Not unless the apple pie was laced with cocaine.”

Natalie explains that Mr. Gideon was arrested at a cocaine party, and that Jo verified the story with the police. Mrs. Garrett expresses concern that even if the story is true, it’s not appropriate for a school paper. Neither points out that Mrs. Garrett’s anecdote perfectly illustrates that it’s best practice to fully investigate a story before running it.

But it’s too late; Natalie already printed the story, and in the cafeteria, Jo is happier than a pig in shit with the reaction. Everyone on campus is talking about it.

Sue Ann and Cindy sit down at a table with Jo and talk about what a great story it is and how she’s a celebrity now. Once Jo gets praise, Natalie is right next to her, emphasizing her role as editor in making the final call to print the story. Blair is not pleased about Jo’s “hatchet job,” while Tootie is pissed that she had to read about in the paper instead of hearing from them. Insert joke about Tootie being a gossip.

Mrs. Garret comes into the cafeteria, clearly displeased. She tells Natalie and Jo that she feels bad for anyone who is treated unfairly by the press. Natalie panics at the use of the word “unfairly,” while Jo gets defensive.

Jo: “Look, Gideon was arrested, and I reported it.”
Mrs. G: “Mr Gideon was arrested, that’s true. But he was released one hour later. There was no evidence that he had used cocaine. The police didn’t even press charges. But I didn’t read that in your story!”

OK, Mrs. G, but it’s your job to intelligently consume the media. If all Jo’s story suggested was that Mr. Gideon was at a party that was busted by the police because of cocaine, and was subsequently arrested, then that’s true. Fast, Accurate, Concise, and True, to be specific. It’s the consumer’s job to understand that a story about someone’s arrest is about an arrest and nothing else. I miss my dear dead friend and mentor Bob McCannon. But maybe it’s better that he’s not around to see what has happened.

I agree that the story would have been much better, and certainly more complete, if Jo had more deeply investigated to find out how far the charges went or got Mr. Gideon’s side of the story, as Mrs. Garrett angrily suggests. Natalie tries to get indignant as well, never mind that she was trying to gravy train all of Jo’s accolades just a few minutes ago. Mrs. Garrett won’t let her get away with it regardless, pointing out that as the editor, she had the final decision.

Jo falls on her sword and says that she bullied Natalie, and she takes all of the responsibility for the piece running. I still don’t think the story was entirely a mistake. It’s breaking news. You report what you know and follow up with more later.

Next stop: Mr. Gideon’s room. He looks over a newspaper, spiritless, as Jo enters and tells him that if he’s busy she can come back later. He says no, his door is always open.

Jo: “I guess you know why I’m here.”
Gideon: “A lynching?”

Again, not necessary. He’s a 33-year-old teacher and professional. Jo is a 16- or 17-year old idiot kid. She weakly tries to apologize, saying that she missed some important facts. At Gideon’s silence, Jo suggests that he sue her for libel.

Gideon: “Libel. I’d have to prove you wrote that story with malicious intent.”
Jo: “That wouldn’t be too tough.”

OK, that part has bothered me so much for so long that when we studied defamation in my First Amendment class in law school, I actually went to the professor’s office hours to ask this particular question: Isn’t truth an absolute defense to libel? If all Jo wrote was that Gideon was arrested at the cocaine party – which was true – there can’t be a libel claim, right?

Professor DeSanto then gave me a quick crash course in the “false light” cause of action. It’s not available in all states, including New York, so it’s ultimately not relevant here, but it’s interesting. I’m not sure how I feel about being able to sue someone because they spun true information to make you look bad, but it might be fun to argue. Professor DeSanto, by the way, is absolutely not a douche.

For his part, Gideon is shocked – shocked I tell you! – that Jo had a beef with him. See, this is where he pisses me off so much. Do you not realize that when you’re all over one particular student, that student is going to get pissed? I had a middle-school Spanish teacher who did the same thing to me – because I had family who spoke only Spanish and I had been exposed to it growing up (though by no means could I say I spoke it), he gave me more shit than he gave anyone else and he threw me out of class all the time. When my parents called a conference with him and my my grade’s dean, the Spanish teacher said his harsh treatment of me was because he was trying to push me. I guess no one ever taught these dudes that you catch more flies with honey.

Jo rages her grievances, including the on point statement, “No one likes to be told they’re a dummy!” Preach, sister.

Now’s when teacher of the year clarifies that he hasn’t been telling her she worse than Blair, whose ideas he continually praises. “To Blair, journalism is the hour between breakfast and English lit! I know what it means to you.” Well, good job making her hate it then, asshole. “It’s exciting for a teacher to see real potential in a student.” Well then nurture her, you misbegotten spawn of hell! “I ask more from you so that you’ll ask more from yourself.” That’s not how it works when you publicly humiliate a high school student.

But we’re supposed to sympathize with Gideon, so Jo now feels bad because “When somebody pushes [her], I don’t think why, I just push back.” OK, that is a thing that could use some growing out of, but Gideon was still a total prick to Jo in the scene we saw, and he is not blameless in this conflict.

Jo apologizes that the story embarrassed him, and we learn that “embarrassed” isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. He’s been “asked to resign” from Eastland, and as a “Teacher Busted in Cocaine Raid,” he doesn’t see too many other teaching jobs on the horizon, so he expects to go back to writing. Now Jo feels really bad because he loves teaching. Eh, if that’s how he teaches, schools are better off without him.

At least Gideon takes some responsibility for his pickle by acknowledging that when he saw that there was coke at the party, he should have left, and that’s on him. That’s the least of it.

Now Jo is really contrite, and she offers to print a follow-up story, start a petition, or do whatever it takes to save his job.

Gideon: “Jo, this isn’t something that you can fix.” Yeah, that’s because she’s not the one that broke it, asshole.

Jo, save your tears. This butt munch isn’t worth it.