1-2 “Like Mother Like Daughter”

I’ve been working on a post tracking the decor of the girls’ bedroom at Eastland in seasons two through four. It’s fun (and remarkably consistent!), but it does take a while. Realizing that I’ve been grossly derelict in updating this blog for the past couple of weeks however (studying for the bar exam does take up a significant amount of time, it turns out), I’ve decided to keep working on that post on the side, but give you some more content in the mean time.

Facts was never afraid to handle serious issues, and in season one, every single one of its scant 13 episodes dealt with a serious issue of the time. In this episode, the second ever of the series, we deal with Blair’s consternation at being the daughter of a great big slut.

The word “slut” is loaded and inappropriate, and I use it here not to give it validity, but as a historical artifact. I frequently mention that as progressive as I think the show often was, it is a product of its time, and there is no doubt that in 1979 the label would have been stuck on Blair’s mother immediately. And I found myself buying some of the things they were trying to sell me, and it made me uncomfortable. Some parts of this episode are just dreadful, but it raises some interesting questions about the picture they paint of Monica Warner and how we are supposed to react to it. [Author’s update: I no longer think “slut” is unacceptable; I’d prefer to reclaim it as sex-positive. The entire problem with this episode is that instead of making Blair’s mother a sex-positive character, they made her fulfill every stereotype and decide to “mend her ways” at the end.]

We begin with the girls preparing for family weekend, which happens to coincide with Molly be obsessed with a book on body language, which doesn’t really matter now but sort of comes up later. Apparently at Eastland’s family weekend, instead of getting all the parents together in an auditorium or somesuch sanctioned by the school and conducted by professionals that the school hires, the parents just report to their daughters’ dorms and are treated to festivities planned and organized by a bunch of high schoolers and middle schoolers. Blair, Natalie, Tootie, Nancy, Sue Ann, Cindy, and Molly have apparently decided to have a French theme for their parents. There is a sign that says “Chez Garrett” on display, and the girls have put together a goofy Frenchy outfit for Mrs. Garrett. She’s shy at first, but she eventually gets into the spirit.

Blair comes downstairs with a painting she’s made for the occasion. I’d forgotten that as early as this first season there was reference made to Blair’s painting. She continues to be an artist throughout the high school episodes and although it falls off a little bit once she goes to college, there are plenty of times that she reflects on her artistic background on comments on how she’d like to get back to it (there’s a particularly poignant mention in the season-five episode “Dream Marriage“). It’s sort of sad, really, that with all this artistic talent she decides to go to law school. It’s probably better that she drops out to be the headmistress of Eastland – maybe that job will give her more time to be creative.

We learn that Blair’s mom is also a painter (a fact never mentioned again), who only signs her paintings with her first name, Monica. Blair decides she’s only signing her paintings with her first name too. I also did that when I went through my artist phase, but before doing so, I changed the spelling from “Victoria” to “Vikktoria.” That phase did not last. No one calls me “Victoria” anyway.

Blair gushes about how much she admires her mother, saying that she’s not only creative, but she’s charming and gorgeous, with a fantastic figure. The implication here is that a woman is primarily worthy of admiration based on her appearance. It doesn’t help that Mrs. Garrett comments that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and Blair agrees that her mother is so fabulous and beautiful that it’s hard to tell them apart.

Mr. Bradley and Mrs. Mahoney enter the dorm room to make a clumsy joke, primarily so Mr. Bradley can nearly knock Monica Warner over when she arrives as he is leaving.

Regular watchers, especially those who haven’t seen season one in a while, will notice that this does not look like Blair’s mother. Indeed, she is one of very few – perhaps the only? – character(s) who ended up played by another actor for the rest of the series.

Oddly enough, when you put them together like this, they don’t look that different (except for the hair).

It’s interesting, isn’t it, that the conflict in this episode involves Blair not wanting to be associated with her mother and, in particular, working not to look like her. It turns out that in future seasons she wouldn’t look like her at all. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Take another shot for stereotypes as Mr. Bradley turns into a dithering fool in the presence of Mrs. Warner’s beauty. He stumbles over the word “headmaster,” instead identifying himself as Blair’s hairdresser, and it doesn’t really make sense that he’s introducing himself to Blair’s mother for the first time anyway, since we know Blair’s been at Eastland for at least three years. But yet, here he is, barely containing his drool. Gross.

Mr. Bradley finds out that Monica is divorced (again, isn’t this the sort of thing that Mr. Bradley should already know? I mean, as far as I can tell there are only about two dozen girls at this school), and starts drooling harder, at which point Mrs. Garrett beautifully interrupts.

Blair rushes downstairs upon hearing her mother in the building and excitedly introduces her to the other girls. All of them gush about how Monica is the most beautiful woman ever. God, this episode tries so hard and ends up just coming across ham-fisted. I mean, she’s pretty, to be sure, but everyone falling prostrate at this vision of beauty that has just come through the door? I don’t buy it. Also, how is it that Blair’s housemates, including her supposed best friend at this point, Sue Ann, have never met Blair’s mother?

Alas, we’ll never know, since the plot must advance. Blair’s mother gives her a large box containing a special gift: her first Christian Dior. It’s at this point that I realize that the actress playing Monica Warner is really not very good, which explains why Pam Huntington’s acting career was extremely limited. Marj Dusay, on the other hand, who took over as Monica Warner in subsequent seasons, seems to have had a consistent career, even if it is mostly soaps. Anyway, she’s a far superior Monica Warner.

With Helen of Troy out of the room, Mr. Bradley approaches Mrs. Garrett for advice about a sensitive matter. She guesses that he has a “friend” who is a headmaster at a girls’ school who thinks he might get lucky with a student’s mother. He says, “Close enough. So should he ask her out, or shouldn’t I?” Hilarious. Shockingly, Mrs. Garrett suggests that he give it a shot! I think it’s inappropriate for a school headmaster to actively pursue a student’s parent and for another school employee to encourage him. I guess a parent is better than a student, though.

Enter Justin Branch, father of Nina (whom we haven’t met and never will). Mr. Branch, tells us all that his wife is at home with the flu so he’s (conveniently) there alone. He also (predictably) has a face right off a 1979 GQ cover.

Blair and her mother return to the room, and whaddaya know…

Monica Warner and Justin Branch are old friends, it turns out. He used to go to “the boys’ school up the street,” which we now know is Bates Academy but which doesn’t have a name in season one. Apparently they “broke a lot of curfews together.” Gross.

Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Blair shakes Mr. Branch’s hand and says it’s nice to meet him, and her mother says, “Sweetheart, is that any way to greet an old friend?” When Blair protests that she just met him, Monica says, “Oh, sorry, I thought you were my daughter.” Blair, who, remember, thinks her mother is the bestest evar at this point, is eager to prove that she is indeed her mother’s daughter.

I can’t decide whether it’s grosser if that look was in the script or if he did it on his own.

So, Monica Warner pimps out her daughter and then tells her to go put her new dress on while she and Mr. Branch go explore their old stomping grounds. Blair looks on disapprovingly from the stairway landing.

The girls make comments about how much they admire Blair’s mother for being able to “talk with her body.” Mrs. Garrett comments approvingly that “when she talks, people listen!”

I’m struggling with whether this part of the scene is really creepy or whether I am reacting with exactly the kinds of assumptions that I actively challenge. My gut reaction is that this was a wasted opportunity. The girls’ and Mrs. Garrett’s comments could have spoken positively about a woman owning her sexuality. But I can’t get over the fact that the man with whom she’s interacting has clearly been identified as married, and I think it’s pretty universal, no matter how progressive one is, to presume that married people should not be flirted with.

Then again, maybe I’m wrong to interpret Monica’s behavior as “flirting.” Though we’re clearly supposed to think she is, it’s important not to fall into the sexist stereotype that if a woman is friendly, she must be flirting. Perhaps I’m critiquing the wrong thing. But I also know (spoiler) that Blair’s mother and Nina’s father do end up making out, so it’s hard to look at it through another lens.

Regardless, though, the fact that she made Blair kiss her “old friend” hello is creepy any way you slice it, so I think we can all agree that we’re glad Monica Warner was reinvented.

Mrs. Mahoney comes in to borrow a pen to make more name tags, and as she begins to make one for Mrs. Branch, Mrs. Garrett tells him not to bother because she’s home with the flu.

“Then who was that I saw kissing Mr. Branch in the garden?”

We return from commercial to see Blair holding her new dress up in front of the mirror. I’m not fond of it.

Blair decides it’s too long and goes to search for Mrs. Garrett so she can ask her to hem it.

I don’t know from fashion, and I don’t know how fancy schmancy Christian Dior was back in 1979, but I assume that someone from Blair’s station in life wouldn’t be getting things off the rack. And since they made such a deal about her “first Christian Dior,” I can’t imagine that either Blair or her mother would be comfortable handing a designer dress across the hall for a quickie alteration.

Now that I think about it, though, it’s not clear that it’s established at this point that Blair is filthy rich. We know she’s a beauty queen and a snob, but I’m not sure anything has been said in particular regarding her wealth. I recall an interview with Lisa Whelchel where she said the original vision of Blair was “a fast-talking girl from Texas,” but she delivered a line in a certain way that made them change her to what she became. It might’ve been something she said in an early episode, so at this point she might not yet quite be the Blair we know.

Anyway, the whole thing is just for the purpose of getting Blair out of the room so that Tootie and Natalie can burst in and tell Sue Ann that they saw Blair’s mom and Mr. Branch making out by the waterfall. They are such children in this season!

Sue Ann accuses them of being “buggy.” Heh – 1979. In response, Natalie and Tootie creepily act out what they saw, which involves lots of ‘Monica, dear’s and ‘Oh, Justin’s.

It’s a well-known fact that Mindy Cohn, who played Natalie, was not an actress when she was cast in the show. She was a student at Westlake School in California, a girls’ school which Charlotte Rae visited to research the part (the school merged with its brother school and is now Harvard-Westlake School). Charlotte Rae just liked her so damn much that she requested? insisted? I’m not sure, but somehow Charlotte Rae’s discovery of her translated into her role. I mention this because there are times, particularly early in the show, where you can see that she’s not a professional, in particular because she has to try to make herself not laugh when she delivers funny lines. She chews a lot of gum in the first season, which I think is supposed to help her not laugh. But you can tell.

Mrs. Garrett, meanwhile, is with Blair, attempting to thread a needle to hem Blair’s dress. She expresses surprise that Blair’s mother never taught her how to hem a dress (take a shot for gender stereotypes!), and Blair replies that her mother taught her:

“Beautiful women were not put on this earth to do menial tasks.”

Vomit.

Mrs. Garrett is gracious when Blair backpedals on the implication that Mrs. Garrett is a non-beautiful woman doing menial tasks. And it’s confirmed: Blair’s character is not completely developed yet.

In episode one, she pets a pig. In episode two, she sews.

Blair asks Mrs. Garrett what she thinks of Monica, and Mrs. Garrett says she thinks she’s very nice. Blair comments that Mrs. Garrett is the only one who hasn’t been raving about how beautiful Monica is. Mrs. Garrett says of course she’s gorgeous. Blair asks if Mrs. Garrett thinks Monica comes on to men too much, and Mrs. Garrett says there’s nothing wrong with a little flirting. See, here we go again. A prime opportunity to promote a sex-positive view of the conduct of a single woman. If only dude weren’t married. But Blair insists that it’s just a game to her, and she never would actually follow through with anything. That’s an approach that has its own problems, of course, but it placates Blair.

Suddenly Mrs. Garrett remembers that she forgot to put the mousse in the refrigerator (isn’t that like just forgetting to bake cupcakes?), and she has to run out suddenly. That leaves Blair to come downstairs on her own, exactly when Mr. Branch is hanging up the phone. He tells Monica that he made a reservation for the romantic corner booth and after drinks they’ll have a long dessert.

Blair is clearly none too pleased. When we return from commercial she is furiously brushing out her hair. She has given the Christian Dior dress to Sue Ann, who is delighted to take it, while Nancy insists that it’s not right to take it. We see a glimpse of the Blair that’s to come when Nancy comments that the dress must’ve cost one hundred dollars, and Blair comments that the buttons cost that much. Nancy chases Sue Ann out of the room to make way for Mrs. Garrett, who is checking on ice cream she asked Blair to order. She sees something amiss and asks about the dress, and Blair declares that she no longer wants to look like her mother, so she won’t dress like her or act like her or anything.

When Mrs. Garrett defends Monica as having an innocent reunion with an old friend, Blair says that she’s lost three fathers because of innocent little reunions. That’s a detail they kept. I remember several times that Blair commented on her mother’s three divorces. Anyway, Blair worries about how many husbands she’ll go through, and says that she never wants to hear the phrase “Like Mother, Like Daughter” again. Tootie skates in and stage-whispers to Mrs. Garrett that she should see what Blair’s mother and Mr. Bradley are doing on the couch. It’s not scandalous, but Mrs. Warner is indeed cozying up to the headmaster.

Mrs. Garrett comes down the stairs and asks to speak to Mr. Bradley privately. She tells him that Blair is very upset because her mother is about to become involved with a man there. The news that it’s Mr. Branch, not him, kills his boner, but Mrs. Garrett shifts his focus back to Blair and asks him to talk to her? The hell? How is this sleazebag of a headmaster who wants to get into Blair’s mother’s pants himself going to talk to Blair to help her with her trauma? Why is Mrs. Garrett asking him to do this?

Hilariously enough, though, in a future episode, Blair will have a crush on Mr. Bradley after he saves a horse.

Speak of the devil, Blair marches down the stairs in her school uniform, hair in ponytails, makeup removed, and tells her mother she wants to speak to her. When Monica asks why Blair’s not wearing the dress, Blair says she’s trying to become as unlike her mother as possible. Ouch. That chick doesn’t mince words.

Monica says that she and Mr. Branch have been friends for years, and there’s nothing wrong with a harmless little get-together between friends. Blair calls her on it, saying that the whispering and the talk of a romantic evening (and the dessert, which Blair doesn’t mention), doesn’t support that explanation. Monica says,

“Blair, you’re not a child. Men are attracted to beautiful women. And whether you like it or not, you’re going to have that same problem, too.”

OK, here’s where I start thinking too much again. To be sure, Monica’s assessment was not inaccurate for 1979, and it isn’t inaccurate today. But the question is whether it is better to encourage your loved ones to survive in that circumstance or to work to change it.

Again, though, regardless of the objective value of the discussion, Monica Warner is not getting any mother of the year awards. She neither learns to survive in that circumstance nor work to change it, she actively encourages it, and teaches her daughter to be complicit in that oppressive system rather than empowered to challenge it.

But Blair vows that she won’t have the same problems, because she’s not going to be anything like her mother. She hurls some invective, including “I’m ashamed to have you for a mother” type comments.

Damn, this episode has everything.

Blair runs upstairs while Mrs. Garrett wrings her hands, Mr. Bradly tries to avoid the issue, and everyone else looks on in disbelief. The one who joins a forlorn Blair in her room is, of course, Mrs. Garrett, who promises Blair that she won’t try to change her opinion of her mother. Blair vents, and Mrs. Garrett begins the process of dispensing wisdom. She’s brought the body language book with her, and she comments that Blair’s crossed arms indicate judgment. Blair is happy to judge her mother, and she fears that what she’s judging is her own future.

Mrs. Garrett tries to shift the focus to the fact that her mother loves her, that she came to visit, and that loving someone means accepting the parts you don’t like. She also tells Blair that she doesn’t have to be like her mother. Blair reminds Mrs. Garrett that she herself said that the leaf doesn’t fall far from the tree (I thought she’d said apple, but if she had, then the rest of this scene wouldn’t work).

After unconvincingly scrambling for a response to the leaf/tree analogy, Mrs. Garrett says that she didn’t tell Blair about the wind, which will take the leaf with a seed attached to it to somewhere great so a new tree grows, “that’s maybe not quite as sappy as the tree it came from.” Oy.

Mrs. Garrett assures Blair that beauty doesn’t have to be a curse, and Blair notes that her beautiful grandmother has been married to her grandfather for fifty-two years. She starts to take down her hair, just when Sue Ann bursts into the room to ask Mrs. Garrett if she’ll show her how to lengthen the hem on the dress Blair gave her. Oops. Blair wants it back.

With very little time left in the show, Blair comes downstairs wearing the new dress, arm-in-arm with Mrs. Garrett. She asks if her mother left. But she hasn’t!

So Monica will try to be more like Blair (ew), and Blair will appreciate her mom, and Mr. Bradley will make one more sad desperate man joke.

So there you have it. Ham-fisted, offensive at times, close to brilliant, and ultimately something that made me think. OK, I’ll give it a pass, and be grateful for the future.