5-6 “The Halloween Show” (part 2)

Muahahahahaha! Happy continuing Halloween week, readers! I left you with a cliffhanger last post. The girls and Mrs. Garrett have only just moved into Edna’s Edibles, and they’ve discovered that there was a terrible triple murder in the house near the turn of the century. At the same time, Mrs. Garrett seems to be coming a little unglued. So far, all the girls know is that Mrs. Garrett has been prowling around the house at night with a butcher knife. But, with the spirit of Grisly Gertie inside her, who knows what horrors are to come in this seemingly tranquil gourmet shop and bakery in Peekskill?

And now, the conclusion of “The Halloween Show.”

We join the girls in the shop where Jo is preparing to price items, Tootie is cleaning up something at the front counter, and Blair is carving a pumpkin in what appears to be the most inefficient way possible.

Does everyone look at that yellow thing Jo is holding and immediately know what it is? I don’t know if it’s the sort of thing everyone knows or whether I just know it because I grew up in a grocery store. Anyway, if you don’t know what that yellow thing Jo is holding is, it’s a pricing gun.

Ever-paranoid Tootie gets twitchy that Mrs. Garrett is in the kitchen sharpening knives. Tootie is convinced that Mrs. G is possessed, and Blair and Jo’s attempts to get her to chill out are only greeted with additional panic. Apparently Tootie has now acquired a series of occult books, and she is going to devote herself full-time to figuring out how to free Mrs. Garrett from the spirit inhabiting her.

Three children, or rather, two children and one slightly larger child enter the shop and say “trick or treat.” I don’t recall trick-or-treating in retail establishments when I was a child, but maybe Peekskill is different from Albuquerque.

The large child is obviously Kelly Affinado, the character introduced this season to shoehorn another youngster in the cast, but we can’t have Blair seeing through obvious things, so she plays along until Jo reveals Kelly’s subterfuge.

None of this really matters, though, as it’s all just filler until Natalie comes in carrying a garbage bag. “Take a look at this,” she says.

Blair one-lines for a cheap laugh that it’s not Natalie’s color, and Natalie reminds us all that the jacket belongs to Mr. Bigly, the mysterious stranger who came to Edna’s Edibles the day before, told them about the Halloween Massacre, and ordered five pounds of bratwurst. Apparently Natalie found the jacket in the trash behind the shop, along with a butcher knife. And Blair just saw Mr. Bigly’s bratwurst order, which he never picked up!

Dun dun dun!

Natalie reports that she saw the order too, and she called Mr. Bigly’s hotel. Apparently he never checked out, and his luggage is still there, along with an airline ticket for a flight that has already departed. Awww, a plane ticket. Remember those?

Blair looks concerned, while Jo pooh-poohs the whole thing. Tootie comes in laden with a box of candles, which her book says will help to exorcise spirits if they’re lit in every corner of the room. Natalie says that sounds more like Hanukkah. Snerk.

The girls catch Tootie up on the discovery of Mr. Bigly’s jacket and the butcher knife. After one-lining for a cheap laugh that Natalie can handle bold prints, Tootie asks the obvious question: “Then where is Mr. Bigly?”

Mrs. Garrett’s triumphant entrance along with a jolly refrain of “I got the meat! I got the meat!” immediately makes our three alarmists raise their eyebrows. Their suspicions are only intensified when Mrs. Garrett reports that she has no idea where the meat came from; she simply found twenty-five pounds of meat in her icebox and she doesn’t want to ask any questions. Regardless of where the meat came from, she has prepared a new batch of bratwurst and is excited to offer up the first bite. Tootie, Natalie, and Blair all recoil, but skeptic Jo is delighted to give it a go.

Mrs. Garrett comments that it’s a little different this time, and Jo agrees that there’s a new taste to it, but it’s better than ever! Once Mrs. Garrett leaves the kitchen, the girls all harangue her about how she can eat this mysterious bratwurst with Mr. Bigly missing. All Jo has to say is that the bratwurst could use mustard, prompting Blair to comment that Mr. Bigly did look good in yellow.

Enter gross Roy, in costume, trying to scare the girls. Jo has his number immediately. Blair wants to pick his brain about Mr. Bigly, and to everyone’s shock, Roy says that he saw Mr. Bigly at the shop this morning when he was on delivery! He was wearing the jacket, and Mrs. Garrett took him back to the kitchen. That’s the last time anyone saw him.

Jo will have none of it.

“I can’t believe the way you guys jump to conclusions! I mean what hard evidence have you got? A cold room, Mrs. G’s slipper, Mr. Bigly’s jacket, a butcher knife, twenty-five pounds of mystery meat…”

“It adds up, doesn’t it.”

Later, back in the shop, Mrs. Garrett comes out of the kitchen, worried because she just got an order for all the bratwurst she can turn out. Natalie worries that that means she needs more meat. Mrs. Garrett agrees, noting that she needs pounds and pounds of meat. “Oh dear,” comments an unsettled Blair.

Just then, two apple-cheeked kids come into the shop dressed as Hansel and Gretel. Mrs. Garrett plays along with them, telling them that they look good enough to eat while Jo awkwardly tries to motion to the kids to leave.

Mrs. Garrett continues that she’s going to fatten them up and pop them in the oven, and they’re delighted. They say that something smells good and plead with Mrs. Garrett to take them into the kitchen and show them what she’s got. She’s happy to, but then Jo, now fully on board with the possession story, literally (and I do mean literally) grabs each kid by its shoulder and pushes the two tykes right out of the shop.

Mrs. Garrett is visibly annoyed with Jo. She says that she knows Jo isn’t crazy about kids, but she could lighten up on Halloween. The one year that I forgot to turn all my lights off by trick-or-treat time, I got a trick-or-treater, and I was so traumatized that I had to hide in my closet for the rest of the night.

Jo hems and haws and backs away from Mrs. Garrett, as do all the girls when she comes near them. As she locks the door and turns off the lights, the girls desperately ask what she’s doing. Mrs. Garrett says she’s closing up, and now it’s time to work on the bratwurst, for which she’ll need…everyone.

She tells the girls to finish closing up the shop and turning out the lights while she sharpens all the knives and the cleaver. After she retreats to the kitchen again, Jo points out that there’s four of them and only one of Mrs. Garrett. Tootie is not consoled. Blair whimpers, and Jo reminds Blair that the whimperer always gets it first. I think she’s right, but apparently the whimperer doesn’t even crack the top 10.

Jo tells everyone that the important thing is to stick together. Of course mere moments after she says that, Mrs. Garrett comes in and tells them that she wants Natalie and Tootie in the kitchen first. When Blair says they’ve made a pact not to separate, Mrs. Garrett complains that she can’t use them all at once! She orders Jo and Blair to clean up the shop while Natalie and Tootie work on the bratwurst.

Awesome Natalie tries to get out of the assignment by feigning a cold and a tiny little cough. Mrs. Garrett doesn’t make her feel any better by saying, “Natalie, I don’t expect you to cook.”

Tootie tries to say she’s studying for finals (in October?), which causes Mrs. Garrett to start losing her patience. She accuses the girls of goofing around. When Natalie says that Mrs. Garrett has been working too hard, Mrs. Garrett tells them that’s because they’re not working, and orders them into the kitchen once and for all.

Two brooms and two baguettes mightn’t be the best choice of weapons, but it would be in interesting band name.

Mrs. Garrett asks them WTF is going on, and Jo tries to play the hero by suggesting that Mrs. Garrett give her the knife so they can talk about things. Mrs. Garrett reacts by…

…gently handing Jo the knife (handle side toward Jo), and asking for someone to please tell her what in the world they are doing.

Now that Mrs. Garrett is disarmed, the girls are empowered. They ask her what happened to Mr. Bigley, and accusatorily catch her up on everything they’ve learned: Mr. Bigley was last seen at the shop with Mrs. Garrett, and his jacket was found in the trash behind the shop. Blair points out that as soon as Mr. Bigley went missing, Mrs. Garrett’s “bratwurst runneth over.”

Mrs. Garrett, finally having figured out what the girls have come to believe about her, reasonably loses her shit. Tootie tells her that they understand that it’s not her fault; “The possessee is always the last to know.” Blair offers to arrange a “top-drawer” exorcism for her. Suddenly…

The girls are surprised to see Mr. Bigly alive and well. Well, it looks like three of them are, anyway. One of them just looks embarrassed.

Mrs. Garrett demands to know where Mr. Bigly has been. Mr. Bigly doesn’t respond to her, but instead says,

“Natalie, I hope I didn’t mess things up. I need my jacket.”

Natalie?

No one is particularly pleased with Natalie, but Jo is the one who typically threatens violence and that sort of thing, so she takes the lead on the interrogation. Natalie tries to juke and duck and backpedal, and I remember how much I adore her.

Natalie encourages Mrs. Garrett to look at it as “a case of creativity unleashed.” Natalie wanted to make a horror movie for her film project, but she wanted it to be unscripted. She invented the Halloween Massacre story and planted clues to make the girls suspicious. Mr. Bigly is an actor named Lazaroni who looks like he would be fun to party with.

Blair, Jo and Tootie try to convince Mrs. Garrett that they never believed Natalie and that they were just kidding. Good luck with that. Natalie comments that she got some great footage, and then remembers her cameraman. She yells, “Cut!” and tells him to come out of hiding.

Dammit. I’d hoped to avoid posting a picture of gross Roy.

Each of the girls begins giving Natalie a piece of her mind, but Mrs. Garrett interrupts to tell them that Natalie wasn’t totally wrong. “It is Halloween, and there will be a murder in this house tonight.”

Happy Halloween week! Tune in tomorrow for the beginning of a very exciting three-part series.