9-3 “Rumor Has It”
I’ve already recapped the bizarre episode in which Blair takes the LSAT after studying for one night and somehow doesn’t completely blow it. I keep forgetting, though, that Blair actually went to law school. Presumably she drops out when she becomes the Eastland headmistress at the end of the series. Of course, given the amount of time she spends studying when she’s in law school during season nine, maybe Langley Law just isn’t all that rigorous.
Our first opportunity to enjoy Blair in the law school environment comes in this episode: Rumor Has It that Blair is hooking up with one of her law professors. It’s a pretty heavy episode, actually, and is a great example of how Blair’s character truly grew throughout the series.
Trivia: While the focus of this episode is dealing with unfounded rumors, in a season six two-parter, Jo actually does date one of her Langley professors. They end it because Jo realizes that she’s not ready to at nineteen to commit herself to stepmotherhood, and a single dad doesn’t want to casually date.
Following some intro-filler conversation from Beverly Ann and Jo, Blair comes downstairs seeking opinions for her first day of law school. In particular, she wants to know which look is more intellectual:
On my first day of law school, I put on something casual, and my husband (then boyfriend) told me that I was dressed inappropriately for law school. He finally believed Google over me that the 2012 law school dress code was a bit more relaxed than that of 1988, but I also agreed to trade the shorts for a comfortable skirt.
Blair, dressed for law school in the 80s, shows the briefest spark of insecurity about whether she’ll make it with “the brightest minds in the country.” I think it’s too early for her to be worried about hanging in there. On the first day, you still expect to be the smartest person in the room, like you were up to this point. It’s not until a few days in class that you find out what it’s like to be in a room full of smartest people in the room.
In a side plot, Natalie is heading for her first day of school after two years out. Both she and Tootie are overdressed for undergrad.
Natalie is frustrated that instead of taking creative writing and journalism, she has to start with freshman required courses. Her protestations that she’s not like other freshmen fails to impress Tootie, who for the first time is ahead of Natalie in school. Natalie also finds out that her freshman status requires her to park off campus. Natalie would rather walk than park off campus, but she’d rather get a ride with Tootie than walk, and why were Natalie and Tootie even considering taking separate cars from the same location to the same location????? Actually, that’s exactly what they’d’ve done. We’ve learned a lot since then.
At Langley Law, Blair’s classmates are gossiping about the professors, which we still do. Apparently business law 101 is an easy course, because the professor is a lush. “He’ll make sure you’ll pass the bar, because he’s draped over it.” Well, if his course is easy, then it probably won’t go far toward preparing you for the business organizations part of the bar, so…
Professor Kat, in contrast, “believes in the hands on approach. If you catch my drift.”
Blair has a butt-funnel moment with a young man at the door of class and gives him a crash course in “ladies first” sexist chivalry, while our two gossips note the arrival of Blair Warner and presume that she only got in because of “Warner Hall and Warner Auditorium.” Blair is mortified to learn that she just dressed down the professor. Wait until later, when Rumor Has It that she literally “dressed him down,” if you know what I mean.
Professor Kat teaches contract law. He speculates that during the course of the semester, students will say things like “Katastrophic,” “Kataclysmic,” and “WildKat.” “And, don’t forget,” the gossip-mongers whisper, “TomKat.”
He tells his students that he’s not any of those things; he’s worse. He says there’s only one way to get along with him, and the gossips “know what that is.” Blair asks them to be quiet and gets blamed for speaking. Following an awkward exchange with the prof that would mortify anyone on the first day of law school, Professor Kat clarifies that the only way to get along with him is to work hard, pay close attention, and be absolutely brilliant. And with that in mind, relax and enjoy the course.
Instead of starting with the Hairy Hand case like every other contracts course in the world, Kat starts with “Hogan v. Whittingham, Inc.,” which is not a real case. Some schmuck gets cold-called, and his “Hogan” fades into another schmuck informing us that “Whittingham Inc. had every right to fire Hogan for violating company policy. The fact that it was two months until his pension is irrelevant.”
It seems weird to me to have an employment law case on the first day of contracts, but OK. What’s not OK is Blair blurting out “I disagree!” as schmuck #2 states what the Court held. Gunner.
“It’s true that Hogan broke company policy, but it was without malice, and Wittingham should have in good faith given an employee of such long standing another chance.”
I’d be curious to hear her legal reasoning. I agree with her that it’s probably better business practice to keep a long-standing employee who screwed up, but I don’t see an immediate reason that they’d be legally required to. Unless there’s a disputed contract term, but that’s why you don’t do an employment law case on the first day of contracts. But two Supreme Court Justices agreed with Blair, and Prof. Kat thanks Blair for her impassioned dissent. The gossips snark that daddy probably already bought Blair an A as class wraps up.
Blair is the only one to approach her professor after class, which is highly unbelievable. Even more unbelievable is a law professor snotting “Ms. Warner, class is over,” when given the opportunity to further mock a student. His office hours are normally 5-7 on Thursdays (that late?), but he’s working late tonight, so he invites her to come by his office around 9(!!!). That’s weird even now. But Blair is grateful for the time and promises to be there.
Back at the ranch, Natalie and Tootie are back from Langley undergrad. Natalie has to run around like this because of “tradition.”
Apart from the fact that it resembles a National Lawyers Guild Legal Observer hat, I don’t approve. I don’t remember Blair, Jo, or Tootie in a dumb hat during their freshman years. And I don’t see Natalie just capitulating to such sophomoric hazing. Especially since Natalie hates Langley so far. She hates being old and experienced, and I have no sympathy, because she’s only 20 and I was at least a decade older than most of my classmates. And yet I have some sympathy, because I too have been an older student, and it sucks.
Blair flits in carrying nothing but a briefcase and says she didn’t try any cases today (snerk), but she’s meeting with a professor to discuss one tonight. Tootie sensibly asks “Why at night?”
See, when even Tootie can tell that something stinks, something stinks. Ooooh – it turns out that Professor Kat’s reputation goes all the way down to the undergrads, and “he’s no Kat, he’s a tiger.” It is not explained why Blair, who only just graduated from Langley, has not heard the rumors.
Tootie and Beverly Ann try to convince Blair not to go to Professor Katt’s office, but Blair insists she can handle herself just fine. We fade to her arrival.
He’s blocked to look sleazy, and when Blair starts speaking about the case he tells her to relax and sit down, patting the couch next to him. Blair sits in a chair across the room and compliments his office; he responds by complimenting her outfit. Gross.
Blair steers the conversation to the case. Professor Katt repeats schmuck #1’s conclusion from earlier, and cites another fake case, Chambers v. [unintelligible] Corporation. Blair one-ups him by citing Bishop v. East Side Medical Group, also fake, which is “an even more recent decision that clearly support’s Hogan’s argument.” Katt responds by pointing out that Bishop was “overturned by the appellate court last week.”
That’s such a gunner thing to do – going to the professor’s office to try to one-up the professor, only to get mocked. I’m so glad I mostly grew out of my gunner tendencies before I went to law school.
Blair calls Whittingham’s actions “clearly unethical.” When Professor Katt points out that law and ethics are not the same thing, Blair says, “Yes, but law is based on ethical considerations.”
Oh, brother. But I’d be lying if I said that I never had the fantasy of meeting with a professor and saying something so important and profound that I would change his or her life and become an instant genius scholar thing. And if ze happened to be easy on the eyes, so much the better.
The door opens, and it’s Professor Katt’s wife. She spits accusations at her husband and Blair.
Poor Blair. Her enthusiasm plus a sleazy professor plus some poor judgment and she’s paying the price for all Katt’s former lovers. She hurriedly gathers her things as Mrs. Katt rails. That doesn’t look so good to the gossip twins and schmuck #2, who just happen to be in the hall as Blair hustles out.
Back at the ranch the next morning, Natalie encourages Blair to set the record straight, while Tootie thinks Blair should just let it die and Blair agrees. Beverly Ann piles on that her boyfriend heard from another professor that Mrs. Katt caught her husband and Blair on the couch naked. The rumors are a-flying. Blair refuses to let it get to her and leaves the house for class.
She very awesomely tells them to go right on gossiping, and she is confident that as soon as the professor shows up, he’ll confirm that last night was just a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, Professor Katt is out for “personal reasons,” and the stereotypical dean will be teaching the class today. He asks some other schmuck to recite the facts of “Bennett v. The City of New York,” another fake case. As Schmuck #3 recites the facts, Dean Egghead will write them on the board. He pulls up the map or whatever that is covering the chalkboard, and what could possibly happen next?
It’s actually enough to make Blair leave. The next shot is of her on the phone trying to see if she can transfer anywhere, and it’s really very sad.
Beverly Ann arrives in the room, followed by Tootie and Natalie. Natalie tries to compare Blair’s law school woe to her depressing status as a hazed freshman, and it goes over poorly. Tootie tells her she just has to stick it out, but clearly this is something that has hit Blair very hard.
Beverly Ann tries to help. Earlier, jokes were made about how Beverly Ann has no business helping with the PTA bake sale, because her baking sucks. Beverly Ann says she’s going to bake for the bake sale anyway. Why?
“Somebody has to bake the cakes that nobody buys, so there’s something there to keep the tablecloth from flapping in the wind.”
Words to live by, I tell ya.
I agree that the connection to Blair’s situation isn’t immediately apparent, but Beverly Ann tries to encourage her to stick it out anyway. Blair says she just can’t face it.
Hey, where’s Jo been? Oh yeah, at the beginning of the episode she was going to New York for a family reunion. She’s back just in time to let in Krazy Mrs. Katt with a bag full of something.
She tells Blair that she can have Professor Sleaze’s clothing and life and everything, and sticks in a parting shot about how dude “likes his coffee strong and his women weak.”
Seriously, poor Blair. And her bodyguard with a broken foot. Still, Jo has Blair’s back. She tells Mrs. Katt that there’s no way Blair could have done what she’s accusing. “Sure, Blair may be shallow, self-centered, and vain…”
But yeah, we all know she’s innocent. And it’s pretty intense for Facts when Mrs. Katt tells Blair to make no mistake, there will be a next time with someone even younger and prettier. She stalks out the front door, leaving Blair standing there clutching a garbage bag full of Professor Sleaze’s clothing.
Jo yells at Blair a little about how it’s stupid to leave law school and she should be above it, and it seems to turn Blair around. Next thing we know, we’re in Blair’s classroom. Blair isn’t there, but Professor Sleaze enters with the dean. He gives a speech about how no matter how much he denies it, the rumors persist, so he’s decided it’s in the best interest of the school and his personal life to resign.
Blair enters just as he finishes his explanation, and she immediately protests. She exchanges some barbs with the gossip girls, then gives an Atticus Finch speech about how lawyers in training should analyze evidence and presume innocent. Too bad she doesn’t remember this when she gets an internship at a criminal defense firm.
Katt tells her she has an excellent future as a lawyer, but he’s still leaving.
Blair: “Well, I’m not.”
She defiantly sits in her seat as the professor begins to talk about implied contracts. Go Blair. I’m sorry your law career doesn’t last until the end of the season, but I’m glad you were a badass.
