4-10 “For the Asking”

It’s week two of me drawing numbers to determine my recap, and I upgraded the empty Kleenex box to an empty yogurt container. It’s the one where a big deal is made of the special dance where the girls ask the boys out on dates.

I was about to say that it’s comical in retrospect that girls were only “supposed” to ask boys out if it was a special “Sadie Hawkins” event, but the truth is that it’s tragic. It’s a horrible example of so many destructive gender assumptions. The binary is bad enough without all the oppressive norms attached to it. And its only just now that I’ve learned that Sadie Hawkins was a character in Li’l Abner; I’d always assumed she was a real person – perhaps a pioneer of gender equality. But no, she is a comic strip character whose Wikipedia entry is making me twitch. The story exemplifies so many destrictive norms: the trope of women pursuing commitment and attempt to “catch” men as they flee; the heteronormativity and cisnormativity of it all; the idea that Sadie Hawkins herself was simply too “ugly” to engage someone’s interest otherwise. If Sadie Hawkins events are still a thing, they would be worth actively protesting.

Which Natalie does, because she is awesome.

Jo comes downstairs into the kitchen and appears to have caught Blair, Natalie, and Tootie doing something scandalous.

Aww, all they were doing was eyeing Bates boys, who are in the dining room for a dance committee meeting. The dance committee consists of five Bates boys and two nameless Eastland girls that we have never met and will never see again, but presumably one of them is Eunice Schram. Shh…you’ll find out later.

We’ve learned that Natalie totally doesn’t for real have a crush on one of the Bates boys on the dance committee, and we haven’t yet found out who, but it must be the one in the middle, because he’s the only one who gets any lines. Brian Robbins is a damn hard worker. As an actor, he’s probably best known for his role in Head of the Class, in which he co-starred with another Facts alumnus, Dan Frischman, whose episode I haven’t recapped yet. Maybe I’ll skip the random drawing and do it next week. But seriously, this dude’s credits as a working actor are impressive, but his credits as a producer are mind-blowing. He does not have any Seinfeld or Law & Order credits however.

Oh shit! I just went to the Googles to see if I could find a little Twitter for him so I could remind him of his humble beginnings, and what do you know – he’s the president of Nickelodeon! And he has a Twitter! Absolutely no reason I can’t tag him when I tweet this.

Here, he plays Ben, who responds to Jo’s question about what torture the dance committee has come up with by announcing that “It’s formal dress: long gowns, white gloves, and tiaras – and that’s just the guys!” If only.

Mrs. Garrett adds that it’s going to be a Sadie Hawkins dance, and Natalie explains that Sadie Hawkins is a Li’l Abner character. I guess I never paid attention. I’m sorry, Natalie. But after she nails the reference, she seeks validation from Ben, who is cold.

Tootie sees the idea of the girl asking the guy as scandalous, while Blair describes it as degrading. Jo refuses to go anywhere with “a guy wearing a tiara.” I expect more from my gender nonconforming childhood influence.

Natalie adorably says it sounds like fun and she compliments Ben on his great idea. He, unfortunately, is a dick to her, as he replies with monosyllables and rushes away from her when she tries to approach. Poor Natalie. She deserves so much better.

Tootie is the star here, as she marvels at the idea of calling a guy up and saying, “Hey guy, wanna boogie Saturday night?”

Blair: “Oh puh-leez. It would be embarrassing to watch a girl ask a guy out.”
Tootie: “So don’t watch.”

Tootie points out that this is Natalie’s big chance to ask Ben out. Natalie: “Ben who?” I don’t blame her for being sullen. From what we saw, he’s not indifferent, he’s actively opposed to interacting with Natalie. And Natalie didn’t want to go to the dumb stupid dance anyway.

“This is just another form of male chauvinist manipulation.”

Which, it is; see critique above. Natalie nails it when she says she’s not going to ask a guy out only because he says it’s OK; she’ll do it when she wants to do it. You go, Nat.

But now its a big thing in the house. Tootie wants to go and Natalie scorns her for it. She seeks Blair’s support, and it comes only because of Blair’s barfy position that asking a boy out is “against the laws of nature.”

Blair: “It’s the man’s place to ask. And the woman’s place to trick him into it.”

At least my Nat isn’t going so far as to sign on to Blair’s grossness. She seeks support from Jo, who says that she’s not interested in any of the “mindless, spineless twerp-faces” at Bates. I’m not gonna be the one to remind her that she was singing a different tune about one Bob Perkins not so long ago.

Natalie declares that she, Blair, and Jo are taking a stand. I’m not sure that Blair and Jo are quite on board.

That’s a “Bitch, please” if I ever saw one.

Natalie accuses Tootie of betraying Gloria Steinem and Helen Gurley, and I do love it when my Nat gets political, but it’s important to not browbeat women who want to do traditional – or in this case traditionally non-traditional – things just because they are expected. The progress lies in creating authentic choice.

Tootie loves this new setup, and it looks good on her. In the next scene, she’s just getting off the phone with Ron, whom she’s invited to see a movie on Sunday.

Tootie: “This Sadie Hawkins thing has opened up a whole new world for me! Once I asked Michael to the dance, I realized I could ask a guy out any time I want!”

Mrs. Garrett is supportive, acknowledging that asking a guy out was “declared legal” years ago. She nods that indeed, Tootie can ask out a guy she sees in the library, or at the grocery store, but she draws the line at asking a guy out on a street corner. Oh, c’mon, Mrs. G. It’s only Peekskill, and Tootie has already made love to a camera and been recruited by a pimp.

Natalie’s entrance to the lounge is filled with contempt for Tootie’s newfound dating hobby, and it’s not a good look for her. Mrs. Garrett compares Natalie’s boycotting the dance to “coming out against E.T.” I didn’t like E.T. So there.

Natalie continues to berate Tootie about wanting to go to the dance, saying that the real fun will be at home where she, Blair, and Jo will be eating like animals without any boys watching. Tootie says she’d “rather eat like a bird with boys watching,” and I die a little.

But Tootie starts winning me back by offering to call Ben on Natalie’s behalf. She’s in practice, and she’s happy to help. Natalie actually growls at Tootie that Ben has nothing to do with this, and it’s obvious that she protests too much.

Enter Blair, who has discovered that everybody is going to the dance, and it just wouldn’t do for Blair Warner to not be seen at a major event, so she’s now on board with asking someone. Oh hey! Jo has been at the arcade, where the dude that was impressing her by beating everyone at Tron turns out to be a Bates boy, so she asked him to the dance!

Poor Natalie is going to be alone with her principles on Saturday. I wrote that before it turned out that she says those exact words.

After the commercial break, Natalie is still complaining, this time to Mrs. G in the cafeteria. Tootie enters and encourages Natalie to just call Ben, to which Natalie barks that even if she wanted to (which, of course, she doesn’t), someone has probably already asked him. When Mrs. G immediately says, “Maybe not yet!” Natalie’s pretense drops and she is eager to know what Mrs. G knows. Apparently Mrs. G picked up some intel at the dance committee meeting that Eunice Schram was preparing to ask Ben, who apparently was still available. Natalie immediately decides that this means it’s definitely too late to ask him. Besides, she still thinks he’s not interested, which I still think is supported by the evidence we’ve been given.

And now Mrs. G tells a story and *sigh*, I was afraid of this. It’s that terrible trope shoved down our throats as young girls that if a boy picks on you – indeed, is violent toward you, it means he likes you. Normalizing poor treatment in general and violence in particular is in part responsible for women staying in relationships that are bad at best and dangerous at worst. And it’s not just women that this is bad for. Boys express themselves this way because they’re sold the trope that having emotions in general makes them weak, and in particular, they’re supposed to be running when the women chase them. This is toxic masculinity, folks, and it sucks.

Natalie disappoints me by saying that Ben doesn’t even elbow her when he walks by, so he can’t possibly be interested. She further explains that she is afraid to ask Ben because he might say no, or worse, he might laugh, and risking that kind of rejection is just too hard.

Mrs. G: “Guys have to do it all the time.”

They’re getting so close to a good point. It’s true that it shouldn’t be all on men to deal with the difficulties of actively pursuing people they’re interested in, but it shouldn’t have taken a “Sadie Hawkins” contrivance for my beloved show to challenge that norm. And I still have to give them some bonks on the head for barely acknowledging that LGBTQ+ people exist.

Oh hay! Here comes Jo, who isn’t going to the dance after all. Turns out that her date, Mitch, won the local Tron tournament and has regionals on Saturday night.

Uh oh…

All of Blair’s prospects already had dates when she asked them. Tootie’s date cancelled when he heard she had another date with his roommate (asshole). Natalie couldn’t be more delighted as her plans advance from gin to hearts to bridge.

Fast forward to Saturday night where the game turns out to be five card draw.

Natalie is finally willing to acknowledge her true feelings as she expresses admiration for Tootie asking out all the guys she asked out.

Enter Mrs. G, who is off to pick up Professor Clayton for the dance. I think he’s the one she’s dating in an episode later this season that I haven’t recapped yet. There’s another one to put on the top of the pile. Anyway, she looks fabulous.

Blair: “I didn’t know Professor Clayton was chaperoning the dance.”
Mrs. G: “He’s not. He’s chaperoning moi.”

Oh hay, look who’s here!

Mrs. G invited Ben over to pick up some records and a tablecloth.

Blair literally throws her cards in the air, squeal-screams, and says, “A man!” It’s silly, and but Lisa Whelchel nails it. God I would love to do a Fans vs. Favorites Survivor with her.

Blair (from under the table): “Couldn’t you have shared that little idea with us, Mrs. Garrett?”

I’m not a big fan of meddling, and it was unequivocally shitty of Mrs. G to not warn the girls that someone was coming over, especially because she knows Natalie likes the particular person coming over. But they’re characters in an 80s sit com, so Mrs. G knew it would turn out well.

Ben: “Hi, Natalie.”
Natalie: “How ya doin’, Ben?”
Mrs. G: “Girls, give me a hand in the kitchen with the tablecloths. Natalie, why don’t you go help Ben with the records.”

Awww, this is cute.

Natalie: “The records are in the Cabinet. In the Lounge.”
Ben: “No rush. I’ve got plenty of time.”
Natalie: “That’s all any of us has, Ben. Time.”

This character. I allude to it here and there, but I really owe the world a feature on the awesomeness that is Natalie Green.

An organizer in Elizabeth Warren’s campaign was named Natalie Green. Not one I knew personally, but a higher up whose name was on mid-level campaign emails. I wrote to her fangirling on her name. She never wrote me back. Anyway.

Ben: “Aren’t you going to the dance?”
Natalie: “No.”
Ben: “Really? Me either.”
Natalie: “I thought you were going with Eunice Schram.”
Ben: “She asked me, but I didn’t accept. Eunice isn’t the one I wanted to go with. The girl I wanted to go with never asked me.”
Natalie: “Oh, really?”

Natalie still doesn’t get it, though, and this Ben is very sweet. This is not the Ben that was dismissive to Natalie in the first minutes of the show, and I’m grumpy at the writers for making him a dick at first.

Ben: “I wan’t you know, we would have had a great time.”

Natalie: “Ben, it sounded like you almost asked me out. Did you ask me out?”
Ben: “No.”
Natalie: “I didn’t think so.”
Ben: “I can’t ask you to a Sadie Hawkins dance.”
Natalie: “Of course you can’t.”
Ben: “You have to ask me.”

On the one hand, I don’t think Natalie is that clueless. On the other hand, I do recall the terror of teenage affection, so I’d certainly forgive her a little brain leakage. Also, this does a great job of underscoring how silly it is to have these “who asks whom” conventions. The rest is just adorable.

Natalie: “Do you want me to ask you?”
Ben: “YES!”
Natalie: “Then I will!”
Ben: “I accept!”
Natalie: “You do?”
Ben: “YES!”
Natalie: “What happens now?
Ben: “I think we go to the dance.”
Natalie: “Great! Let’s go!”

As she heads off to change, she reasonably asks Ben why he never asked her out before.

Ben: “‘Cause I like you.”
Natalie: “That makes sense.”

He explains that he was afraid, and Natalie marvels that he was afraid to ask her. And then she reminds me why I made a separate tag for Awesome Natalie.

“You being afraid to ask me is almost as silly as me being afraid to ask you.”

They enter the cafeteria and announce that they’re going to the dance.