3-4 “A Friend Indeed”

It seems to be an average Saturday morning in the cafeteria, where everyone mocks Jo because she’s been mopping the same spot on the floor for fifteen minutes. She has a job interview that afternoon at the motorcycle shop, which she says would not be like going to work, but would instead be like going to heaven.

The girls bicker about whether Jo would be a good salesperson or not, and all of this is just to fill time and set up the B plot.

The phone rings. Blair excitedly runs to answer it, expecting it to be her mother, who promised to call right after her face lift. The girls say some weird and barfy stuff about cosmetic surgery before Blair comes back to tell them that it was a false alarm (the call was for Geri about her upcoming act in the area, and it is only important because it reminds me of the days when you had to leave a phone number where you could be reached if you weren’t going to be at home). That’s how we learn that Geri is in town, and she’s still asleep upstairs. The girls say some more barfy things about cosmetic surgery and thank heavens Jo is there to mock it. Geri joins them.

Enter the A plot: Blair’s mother, Monica Warner.

 

This is the first time we’ve seen Monica Warner since the cringeworthy Season One episode “Like Mother, Like Daughter.” They wisely chose to throw out that entire dumpster fire and re-cast the character. Marj Dusay is excellent. Once she walks through the door she communicates the character and makes us love her.

There is a bit of confusion when Monica walks in with nary a Band-Aid on her face. She explains that she decided to postpone the face lift, giving an unconvincing set of excuses.

By this time, Blair’s catchphrase: “I just had another one of my brilliant ideas,” has been established, so when Monica says the exact same thing, it’s a cute little moment.

Monica and Blair are, natch, going shopping. As they banter, the other girls note that they’re more like girlfriends than like mother-daughter. A series of contrivances occur for the purpose of removing everyone except Monica and Geri from the room.

Geri is disapproving and Monica is a bit too lighthearted, and that’s when we learn the truth. There was never any face lift. Monica went to the hospital for a “test” and she is very edgy about it. That’s as specific as we get before Blair and Jo return to the cafeteria and Monica returns to being bubbly. She doesn’t want Blair to know. As Blair and her mother bounce off to go shopping, Geri’s worried face fades out.

Later, in the lounge, Mrs. Garrett and Tootie indulge Blair’s post-shopping review of the terrible 80s clothing she purchased. Tootie answers the ringing phone. At the other end of the line is Dr. Wyman for Blair.

Oh. The test was a biopsy. Monica has a tumor in her breast. Fade to black.

Before we return from commercial, allow me to mention that this episode is how I learned what a biopsy was. I distinctly remember seeing this for the first time and asking my mom what “biopsy” meant. Then I had to ask what cancer was. I grew a lot that day.

In the kitchen, Blair folds towels while Mrs. Garrett tries to encourage her to stop avoiding her mother. Blair doesn’t know what to say to Monica, noting that even though they talk about everything, “I hear you may have cancer” doesn’t quite fit in with “Marcie is having another affair” and “the Gibsons are getting divorced.” Blair is also concerned about the implications of breast cancer in 1981, particularly for someone like her mother, whose biggest priority is the way she looks.

That’s heavy. The reasons for which women experience trauma due to and after a mastectomy are nuanced and varied. Regardless, it’s not something anyone does voluntarily. And in 1981, if you got a breast cancer diagnosis, it was pretty much assumed that the next step would be a mastectomy. Blair understands this and can’t imagine talking to her mother about that possibility.

Tootie comes downstairs and Blair clams up. Poor Tootie always seems to be around to hear the secrets, and she tells Blair that she’s sorry she was there when the doctor called, but she knows now and she can’t pretend that she doesn’t.

Blair: “Yeah, and by now so does half the school.”

That’s bitchy, but Blair is suffering at the moment so I won’t be hard on her. Tootie insists that she’s not that kind of jerk, and she swears, on their friendship, that she won’t tell anyone.

Jo bursts into the kitchen demanding a clock, Mrs. Garrett’s egg timer, and a fuse before muttering that she’ll mix the rest up in the science lab.

Mrs. G: “What are you making? A bomb?” [laughs]
Natalie: “YES! YES!”

Turns out Jo didn’t get the job. She rages around the kitchen until finally getting in Blair’s face and inviting Blair to take her best shot.

Of course it’s glaringly obvious that something is wrong with Blair when she rejects an opportunity to pile on Jo. Tootie is a champ when she suggests that it’s probably a chipped nail that is making Blair moody. She pats Blair’s arm and ushers Natalie out of the room.

Jo self-pities until Blair gives her a pep talk, reminding her that she is what she is, and if they don’t like it that’s their problem. Blair and Jo friendship moments are awesome. Jo feels much better but Blair still can’t smile.

Mrs. Garrett Mrs. Garretts that Blair was wonderful with Jo. Blair protests that all she did was tell her what she already knew. Mrs. G points out that she was there for her, and sometimes that’s exactly what a friend needs. To Blair’s protest that it’s her mother, Mrs. G wisely recalls the first time she saw her father cry – the first time she realized that he was a normal, vulnerable person – and that was when she really started to grow up.

In her hotel room, Monica Warner is wearing exactly what you’d expect.

Blair knocks, and Monica lets her in, immediately beginning to chirp that she’s not quite ready yet but just needs a few minutes. Monica’s levity continues as she suggests that she and Blair pop off to Hawaii for a couple of weeks; so what if she’ll miss Bunny’s (I swear) wedding; she went to the other five.

Blair says nothing as she begins to pack Monica’s suitcase. Monica gripes about crinkled crepe and shoes on the bottom before Blair demands that she go back to New York to get the results of her biopsy.

Monica: “I have the damn results!”

The doctor said he didn’t want to give her the results over the telephone. “They never mind giving you good news over the phone,” she laments.

The scene is super-sad, and Marj Dusay is really good. There’s a bunch of lists about recasting certain parts and how it saved or killed shows. I wouldn’t say that Marj Dusay saved the show, or that the show would have been ruined if they kept the original actress, but I’m pretty sure that Monica Warner would not have been the beloved recurring character that she became. Thanks again, Marj. I seem to say that every time I recap a Blair’s mom episode.

As Monica grieves the expected loss of her breast, Blair tries to soothe her by suggesting that it’s not “that automatic anymore,” and I take another deep breath of thanks for advances in medicine. Blair emphasizes that not dying is more important than anything else, and Monica understands that Blair is not just the little girl that hid when her hair didn’t curl just right, but that she’s maturing and gaining perspective. Blair insists that she can be a good friend, and encourages her mother to trust her, and hang onto her for support. Monica can’t help but continue to make jokes, and I sympathize, because that’s the only way I know how to deal with trauma too.

Blair calls her out, and tells her that they haven’t been friends so much as they’ve been playmates. She urges her mother to give their relationship some more depth – to talk about serious stuff. Monica doesn’t quite know how to do that, so Blair suggests that she just be honest about what Blair can do for her. Monica just wants more of what she’s doing.

‘Scuse me. I gotta go call my mom.