2-12 “The Secret”

In which we discover for the first time where exactly Jo’s father went when he “left home.”

Recently, I got a comment suggesting that we accept Jo’s reformation and stop pigeonholing her as a criminal. I so, so appreciate the place where this person’s comment comes from. The law enforcement and criminal court system in this country (which have very little to do with justice) is, frankly, offensive. One really small thing we can all do is stop letting letting the word “convicted” ruin someone’s life. People say, “Don’t be a criminal! It’s that simple!” as if the entire world continues to be open to you when you have to check that goddamn box. Defining someone by their history despite substantial evidence of change is bullshit and is the sort of thing that keeps people who have been convicted of certain offenses from being able to participate in society in the way required to avoid a life of crime.

I give Jo shit because her reformation was an essential part of her character, yet she continues to fake IDs for the girls and commit other petty crimes throughout the series, all the way through Season Nine when she commits a crime on purpose so she can spend the night in lockup because she doesn’t have another plan.

But none of this is real, and the flippant way I talk about Jo being a criminal is not a thing I’d do about a real person. It’s extraordinarily important to remember that people who go to jail or prison are still people, and they can’t improve their lives if you don’t give them a chance to do so. If this issue moves you, please consider getting involved with or donating to an organization that helps ex-offenders reintegrate; or one that works toward removing some of those barriers to reentry. If you need some pointers, please feel free to contact me.

In our not-real-world, though, this episode is particularly prime for a recall to Jo’s history of criminality and bad judgment through a “like father, like daughter” joke. Jo has received this year’s Best New Student award despite having gotten herself and three of her classmates arrested and put on probation at school; had to work off a shoplifting beef at a department store; and tried to run away to get married to her (extremely hot) boyfriend in the middle of the night in the dead of winter. I’m not saying it’s impossible; indeed maybe those things helped her to win the award, if it was decided by popular vote.

Tootie enters the cafeteria with all the mail while Natalie tries to grab a package from her. The package, incidentally is a book about the Three Stooges, and it’s a nice little nod to Season One when we learned that Natalie adores them. Her English paper is called “Why We Laugh,” and there’s an adorable exchange between Mrs. Garrett and Natalie that is better than the rest of the episode combined.

But I have a job to do.

While Natalie and Mrs. G were chatting, Tootie accidentally opened and read a letter meant for Jo. The letter is from Jo’s father, and while Jo has told everyone that her father is in Miami, it turns out her father is actually in state prison.

Mrs. Garrett is shocked, but sympathetic about how hard it must be for Jo to be burdened with that secret. Not only the secret, Mrs. G, but all the other ways in which children of incarcerated parents have worse outcomes. Tootie worries that Jo will think she snooped on purpose. Mrs. Garrett agrees to explain everything.

Upstairs, Blair and Natalie are horrifyingly trying to fix Jo’s hair for her award acceptance when Tootie joins them.

The four blither about Jo’s acceptance speech. Jo wants to thank her mother and Mrs. Garrett, and Blair wants Jo to thank her. Tootie gets weird when Natalie says something about Jo’s father.

Mrs. Garrett comes into the room and asks to talk to Jo alone. She tells her that “her mail was opened by mistake” and Jo doesn’t think it’s a big deal until she learns that the mail in question is from her father. She’s dismayed that Mrs. G knows the truth about her father, but is relieved that it was her instead of gossipy Tootie, or Blair who treats her like one of the “boat people.” Ew.

The letter asks Jo to visit on her father’s 40th birthday, coming up this Saturday. I am older than Jo’s father. Neat. He disappeared when Jo was twelve, and she and her mother later found out that he was locked up for breaking into the warehouse where he worked and stealing a bunch of typewriters. What a sad, sad crime.

Jo says she has a few things she’d like to say to him now that she knows better words to use, and Mrs. Garrett encourages her to go visit and use them. Jo scoffs, saying even if she wanted to go, the prison is near Albany and she has no way to get there. Mrs. G responds that, as it happens, she has to go to Albany on Saturday. Jo’s no fool. She doesn’t buy it.

But Mrs. Garett is Jo’s match. She declares that she has to go to Albany to pick up some of Albany’s famous vanilla.

Jo hems and haws, but ultimately agrees, only so she can get him out of her life once and for all.

Friends, I give you Charlie Polniaczek.

I’m no longer in despair at being older than Jo’s father because even if I am, I look way better than he does.

Alex Rocco played Jo’s father throughout the series, up to and including escorting her down the aisle at her wedding. His other gigs include playing Nancy McKeon’s father again in ’90s series The Division, and voicing Bea Arthur on Family Guy. He died in 2015.

Jo and her father speak through a plexiglass partition using a phone receiver. I have no idea if that was ever a real thing or not or, if it was, whether it still is. The only time I’ve ever visited someone locked up (other than as a lawyer), we were on opposite sides of a video connection.

Jo is angry, and Charlie acknowledges that he’s been a shitty father. He’s certainly not trying to get out of taking any lumps. Jo learns that he’s kept in touch with her mother and he knows all about Eastland and Blair, Natalie and Tootie. He’s also proud to tell her that he finished high school in prison and got a real diploma, and he’s learned a lot about stocks and has arranged to get a job when he gets out (he acknowledges that his conviction will keep him from getting a broker’s license, but no reference is made to how difficult it is to get a job as an ex-con).

He tells Jo that he’s changed and entreats her to forgive him. She softens and agrees to try to establish a relationship. She tries to hustle away, but before she can, Charlie lets her know that he’s getting paroled and he asks if he can come to Eastland to watch her receive her Best New Student award.

She is clearly conflicted, and we don’t discover what decision she makes before we fade to commercial.

Back in the Eastland cafeteria, Jo tells Mrs. Garrett that she went to the prison to tell her father off and ended up with him coming to Eastland. So I guess she agreed to let him come. Mrs. Garrett assures her that no one will find out about his history, and Jo promises not to leave him alone for one second. Blair comes in to announce that her father just called from the admissions office that he’s on his way over.

Just as Jo is about to head out to find him, Blair announces that she knows a secret that Blair’s been hiding. Mrs. G and Tootie get paranoid and tell Blair to keep it a secret, but she says it’s just too juicy that she has to announce it right then and there.

Blair: “Jo is really [snicker] [titter] Joanna Marie!”

Everyone is relieved.

Jo: “Oh, yeah, my dad calls me that sometimes.”
Blair: “Isn’t that a hoot?”
Jo: “But nobody else.”
Blair: “I prefer ‘Jo’ myself.”

Natalie comes in bearing Charlie Polniaczek, and Jo introduces him. Natalie says a couple of things that Tootie quickly redirects. She’s acting so damn weird but I don’t know what the point is since no one ever finds out that Tootie already knew.

Blair comments about how handsome Jo’s dad is and promises to find out all about him, at which point Jo glues herself to him and won’t let him out of her sight. Mrs. Garrett encourages Jo to leave Charlie alone long enough to go change. She will, but only after warning him to keep it zipped.

The awards are right up against us, so everyone disperses in a manner that leaves Blair alone with Charlie and Tootie running awkward interference. But since Blair and Charlie end up talking about the stock market, Tootie doesn’t really have any interference to run.

The conversation remains innocent, coming to the difficulty of changing careers from truck driver to stock market. But Jo overhears something out of context, and even though Blair is speaking graciously, Jo blows it herself.

Jo: “So now you know all know about his stretch!”
Blair: “Stretch? We weren’t even talking about exercise!”

And then Jo clarifies that she’s talking about prison, and Tootie notes that no one knew a thing until Jo said so. So of course Jo has a tantrum, tells her father to get and stay out of her life and darts upstairs.

Tootie and Blair make graceful exits while Charlie tells Mrs. G that he’ll be getting on his way.

Then Mrs. Garrett awesomely gives Charlie a patented Mrs. G talking-to! She tells him that now they know why Jo flees every time there’s a problem. “When the going gets tough, Jo gets going! Right out the door!” See, she’s just like him!

Mrs. Garrett encourages Charlie to stop running, and to get to know his daughter. Unfortunately, she does this without giving him a patented Mrs. G sympathy pat, so there are no good screen shots.

Upstairs, Blair gives Jo a talking-to. Blair has had three fathers, and even though none of them have ever been in prison, none of them ever came to any of her (hilariously long list of) awards either. Before Blair can break through Jo’s protests, Charlie interrupts them.

Jo is very hostile toward her father. She asks him if he knows what it’s like “going to a school like this, with a father like you?”

Charlie retorts that he just met her closest friends, and they are all lovely people who don’t give a shit about his past. Jo remains angry. She believes he’ll abandon her again if she gives him a chance. He argues with fatherly strength and compassion. Given Alex Rocco’s resume at this point, Nancy McKeon’s ability to keep up with him really shows her acting chops.

The emotional exchange between these two talented actors continues until Mrs. G comes and says it’s time to head to the awards ceremony. She tentatively suggests that Jo might want to get a good seat for her father. And because it’s the 80s and every serious life problem is wrapped up in minutes, she does. Right next to her.

The reconciliation is complete, and Jo’s father will come around a bunch more times before the series ends.

Incarcerated parents. Now there’s a thing that didn’t typically show up in 80s sitcoms. That’s something that doesn’t get enough discussion today. Even Facts can’t do much with it in the twenty-three minutes they have, but it’s pretty cool that they tried.