5-6 “The Halloween Show” (part 1)
Happy Halloween week everybody! I apologize for another “life happens” delay, but I’ll make it up to you with SEVEN new posts between today and Halloween, including two-part recaps of the two Halloween episodes and another three-part series that I think you’ll enjoy.
Let’s begin with the first official Halloween episode, cleverly titled ” The Halloween Show,” in which we’re treated to a possessed Mrs. Garrett.
Dun dun dun!
We open to Halloween-decorated Edna’s Edibles, where Natalie is being annoying as hell following around a frazzled Mrs. Garrett with a video camera. Mrs. Garrett is stressing because she has loads of back orders for bratwurst and the butchers have gone on strike and she’s having a nervous breakdown. Natalie continues to harangue her. You can hardly blame Mrs. G. for wielding the knife later.
Roy the creeper is still around delivering buns to Edna’s Edibles and making gross comments about getting ideas from Jo holding the bratwurst. Vomit. He calls her “my little sausage,” (ewwwww), but Jo’s rejoinder of, “Wrong, you weenie,” almost makes it worthwhile.
As the creeper leaves, he comments on the distinctive jacket of a customer who has just entered the shop. Also, my family totally had those exact ghost decorations back then.
Since the arrival of a mysterious old man always sets the stage for something creepy, our new yellow tartan friend explains that Edna’s Edibles used to be the old Gruber place, and it was the site of The Halloween Massacre!
Apparently the four “old maid” Gruber sisters lived together in the house. Awesome Natalie points out that “old maid” is a shitty, sexist term, but still wants to hear the rest of the story. It goes that one Halloween night, Gertrude (the mean one) got into an argument with Heidi and Helga and Fritzi, and the “dumkopfs” and “schweinhunds” could be heard for miles. I like German jokes. They should have used less clean insults, though.
So, following the argument, the voices stopped (Blair: “Why?” Jo: “That’s where the massacre comes in, dumkopf!”). Indeed, Edna’s Edibles was the site of a triple murder, and the weapon was – guess what? – a big ol’ butcher knife! They took “Grisly Gertie” away, but it’s said that she never really left, and unexplained things started happening around the place. Gertrude’s bedroom (now Mrs. Garrett’s, natch) would get much colder than the rest of the house, and the people who sleep in the room start to lose their minds. Mrs. Garrett complained last night that her room was super cold. Dun dun dun!
Mrs. Garrett has no time for their suspicions. She admonishes the girls that there’s lots of work to be done and they’ve got no business standing around. Emotional Tootie spazzes out about the Halloween Massacre, and Mr. Canary Plaid joins in. Mrs. Garrett clutches her pearls, but is easily distracted when he asks about her bratwurst.
He announces that his name is Mr. Bigly, and he wants to pick up five pounds of bratwurst on his way to the airport at 11 a.m. Mrs. Garrett promises that it will be ready. Mr. Bigly creepily says “We’ll see,” then comments how cold the shop is as he makes his way out the creaky door.
It’s Halloween, so our next scene is after dark in the girls’ bedroom. The camera pans across each girl, snug in her bed asleep. It’s creepy, but for the wrong reasons. Finally, the camera gets to the door, which opens slowly.
Tootie was sleeping in that chair because she was afraid of Grisly Gertie and she wanted to sleep closer to the door. Natalie says that Mrs. Garrett’s joke worked a lot better this time.
Huh?
Natalie says that last night, Mrs. Garrett was standing over her bed at three a.m., sharpening the butcher knife and screaming, “Helga, you will now learn some respect, ja!” Mrs. Garrett denies being in the girls’ room the night before and says she’s in no room for jokes.
Blair sensibly asks what Mrs. Garrett is doing with the butcher knife, and Mrs. Garrett ditzily says that she doesn’t know; it was just lying in the bathroom next to her toothbrush. She orders the girls downstairs to make salads, even though it’s early. Mrs. Garrett continues to act ditzy (or crazy?), as she waves the knife around dangerously while saying that she has to find some way to scrounge up some meat.
Natalie confirms that she was not kidding about Mrs. Garrett being in the room last night, and while it’s possible she was dreaming, she’d prefer to dream about Rick Springfield over her bed. In other episodes, she’s mentioned being in love with Shaun Cassidy and Scott Baio.
I love sex-positive Natalie.
Of course Tootie is all stressed out and worried and scared. She worries that Grisly Gertie really is affecting Mrs. Garrett. When Blair protests that Tootie watches too many horror movies, Tootie retorts that if Natalie was dreaming last night, then what is Mrs. Garrett’s slipper doing on the floor? That is enough to freak everyone out. And to freak you out, I’ll confess to you that I wanted slippers like this so badly when I was a tween.
Dun dun dun!
Is Mrs. Garrett really losing her mind to the curse of Grisly Gertie? Why did the costumer choose such frumpy pajamas for the girls? Do I now wear more appropriate around-the-house footwear? For the answers to these and other spooky questions, tune in to part two of this recap, coming this weekend. Until then:
