4-7 “A Woman’s Place”

This is an amazing, terrible, hilarious, painful, totally underappreciated episode of The Facts of Life. Charlotte Rae and Mindy Cohn are on comedy fire, which is something that is hard to convey in the recap, so you should make it a point to watch this episode in its unedited entirety.

Comedy aside, though, this is yet another timely episode of Facts that explores gender stereotypes and white cis male privilege. Certain events of the last few weeks have brought these issues into sharp focus. Facts did it in 1982.

Mrs. Garrett and Natalie open the episode with some weak jokes about gestalt and chicken Cacciatore. Don’t ask, I promise it’s not worth it. It has nothing to do with the episode, anyway, which is really about Jo and her heretofore unseen new boyfriend, Doug.

Jo and Doug work together as mechanics at the bike shop. Jo has worked there for five weeks and only now is starting to earn the respect of her boss, a dude named Garo, who turned her down for a job six times before Doug convinced him that she knew her stuff despite being a girl.

You said it, Mrs. G. And that’s a meme face if I’ve ever seen one.

Enter Blair in a tornado of drama. She exhorts everyone to remain calm and not to panic because everything will work out fine.

What’s the emergency? “Daddy’s Porsche” broke down because Blair “might’ve, just once, shifted from third to reverse.” Well, just consider it early payback for what you’re going to find out next episode.

Jo and her boyfriend laugh judgily before Jo offers to take a look at it if Blair brings it to the shop. Blair is skeptical. She refers to it as “advanced machinery” and maligns Jo’s expertise. Jo insists that if it’s got wheels, she can fix it, and Doug insists that if Jo can’t fix it, no one can.

The next day at the shop, Doug continues to heap praise on Jo’s ability as a mechanic as well as in Donkey Kong. Because he thinks it’s great that she’s not stereotypically feminine, get it?

Just in case we missed it, Garo, their boss comes in to admire the work Jo is doing on the Porsche and remarks, “Are you sure you’re a girl?”

“You know motorcycles like you were born on one!” he praises before finally concluding that Jo cannot possibly be a girl.

For the record, being born on a motorcycle does not mean that one has the slightest clue about the mechanics of it. I’ve been on the back of a bike since I was a toddler, and all it means is that I’m still very good on the back of a bike.

After our neanderthal boss leaves the room, Doug sniffs indignantly that Garo is right out of the dark ages. ‘Cause Doug himself is so progressive, get it? He finds Jo’s talents very sexy.

The girls and Mrs. G have come to see how Jo is ~~making out~~ getting along with the Porsche. Garo enters and makes a few jokes about how he hired one girl but he doesn’t intend to hire any more because he doesn’t want to put in another bathroom. Gender segregated bathrooms are silly. This whole absurdity is only for the purpose of getting everyone in the same room when Garo announces that he’s got good news and bad news. The bad news is that Rex quit.

Tootie: “Who’s Rex?”
Garo: “The weekend manager.”
Mrs. G: “But why did he quit?”
Garo: “He didn’t s…why am I talking to these people?”

The good news is that Garo has selected a new weekend manager.

“I never thought I’d be comfortable with a woman wearing the coveralls, but congratulations, Jo. You’ve got the job.”

There’s no fault in Doug being disappointed, but he wipes away any trace of sympathy we had for him when we see him in the shop the next day. He stomps around and bashes tools and has Angry White Man face. When Jo suggests that he check some doohickey on a bike before going into the something, he poor mes that if he’s not doing it right, she should just tell him how to do it. They back and forth a little before Doug goes full Kavanagh face on her

His rant at her ends with a snippy “You’re the boss,” which, according to him, changes everything. Jo insists that they’re still a team, and Angry White Man retorts, “No we’re not. I work for you.”

Back in the cafeteria, Blair bubbles about her father’s Porsche while Mrs. G asks about Jo’s first day as manager. Jo calls it “OK.” She’s clearly not herself, and Mrs. G drags out the story about Doug’s behavior. Jo understands that he’s disappointed. She wanted him to get the job too. But since he didn’t, he should be happy she’s the one who did. Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be part of White Man Anger.

Jo expresses disbelief that a “liberated guy” like Doug would behave this way. Natalie responds, sadly but unfortunately all too accurately, even today,

“Sure, sure, guys are all about women’s lib when they read about it in Newsweek, but not in real life.”

Mrs. Garrett protests that it’s not always like that, after all, when Howard cooked at Eastland and he and Mrs. G were dating…

Tootie: “You were dating Howard?”

Yep, ladies, me too.

Mrs. G optimistically suggests that if Jo just treat Doug with the same respect she always has, he’ll come around. Tootie follows Mrs. Garrett into the kitchen trying to get more dish on Howard, leaving Blair to suggest to Jo that she should always let the boy win. Uh oh.

Jo is not on board with Blair’s tactic to “make him think he’s in charge even though he isn’t.” Natalie, quips that because we’re talking about the “male ego,” Blair’s advice is sound. Blair goes on to suggest that “power isn’t something you throw on, like a motorcycle jacket. You have to slip into it, like a negligee.”

Blair’s big plan is for Jo to “be a little helpless.” Natalie sadly muses that things should be better in the 80s, but we all know they weren’t and they still aren’t, so we go back to the shop.

Doug continues to sulk about his privilege being violated, and when Jo suggests that he check the timing coils on the motorcycle he’s working on rather than starting with the carburetor, he growls that he knows what he’s doing. And thus begins perhaps the most excruciating scene in all of Facts history.

“The carburetor is a great place to start!” Jo false enthuses. Mrs. Garrett and Blair come to the shop just in time for Blair to encourage Jo to continue playing damsel in distress, and I nearly vomit as Jo disconnects something from the bike she’s working on and plays dumb. She summons Doug for assistance, claiming that she just doesn’t have enough muscle to get the part tight enough.

I’m with you, Mrs. G.

Garo brings in a Honda that he wants Jo to look at. She diagnoses an electrical problem and suggests that Garo should have Doug work on it. When he points out that electrical is her specialty, Jo says that’s only because she spends so much time watching him. You guys, watching Jo play incompetent is actually physically painful.

Garo insists that he wants Jo working on the Honda, and Doug can continue working on the Yamaha that was supposed to be ready ten minutes ago. Doesn’t anyone in Peekskill ride a Harley?

But Doug has taken the bait, and when Garo leaves he says that he bets he could handle it. And Jo, who, remember, is the freaking manager, tells him to never mind what Garo said, and to go ahead and work on the Honda. Because, after all, Doug is so good with all those “whatchamacallits.” Even Blair is grossed out at this point. It’s just too much when Jo starts bleating bullshit like, “What do I know about motorcycles? If I get them to run at all, it’s just dumb luck!”

Natalie: “Jo, get over here.”

The girls and Mrs. G are all horrified, even Blair, who insists that she wanted Jo to play “helpless, not brainless.” Mrs. G gives Jo a shoulder pat and brings the wisdom that “If someone loves you, he’ll want you to be everything you can be, not just whatever he feels comfortable with.”

And now Garo is pissed that Doug is working on the Honda and hasn’t finished the Yamaha and she’s bullshitting with her friends. “I put you in charge, and you don’t charge!” he growls.

Well, now Jo is on her heels begging forgiveness, but Garo, who has decided that Jo is “a good mechanic, but no manager,” demotes her.

And whaddaya know, now Doug is all smiles and “babe” and “let’s go get a pizza.” Jo points out that it’s pretty remarkable that everything is OK just like that now that she’s not his boss anymore.

Doug: “I guess I just need things to be a certain way.”